Can you decipher these uninspired, misinterpreted, or just plain messed-up video-game titles?

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(Click here for the answers.)

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I wonder if the vibrate feature in Sony's new controller can double as a back-massaging device, just like every other vibrating gadget.

Video Blips:

• Nothing pumps up the adrenaline like table tennis and fly swatting in this demo of the PlayStation Move. I'm still incredulous over its diffused shape and moogle-like sensor ball. [GameTrailers]

Continue after the break for an anthem-filled trailer of Green Day: Rock Band, some elf profiling in a commercial for Global Agenda, and a look at the webcomic-turned-platformer Blade Kitten.

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Editor's note: Tired of the towering giant that is EA's Madden franchise? Check out Andrew's humorous suggestions for some authentic, pigskin replacements. -James

By locking up the exclusive rights to the NFL, EA's Madden series has absolutely crushed the football-video-game competition. While Take Two's All-Pro Football was a valiant attempt to put a dent in Madden's marketshare, the effort fell short in a quixotic sort of way -- its reviews and sales were less than impressive.

So how do you fight the juggernaut of sports-game franchises? Developers take note: I have some impressive suggestions. And if you do take them, my legal team will be in touch; I'm sure we can come to an amicable resolution.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football: The Fighting Irish Video Game of Fighting Irish

No collegiate football program is as storied as Notre Dame's. While its luster has dulled in recent years, the name holds incredible cache among Catholics, people who pretend to be Irish, those who wish they had a college education, and those who aren't aware that Notre Dame actually makes its home in Indiana.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football will feature only one playable team: Notre Dame. And instead of their usual opponents, they will play against famous teams like the '72 Dolphins, the '85 Bears, the '27 Yankees, the '83-'84 Boston Celtics, and the '02 gold-medal-winning Olympic Hockey team, Team Canada.

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YouTube has a new feature that automatically captions videos. That sounds awesome. Let's see how it performs with Mass Effect 2 [via Fidgit]:

Wow, look at that! Not only does it caption video automatically, but it spices things up with political and romantic intrigue! The new text does have a point, though. You can't just treat democrats like that and expect to get women, Shepherd.

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There's a lot  to see at this year's Game Developers Conference. This image gallery will be updated by the Bitmob staff over the course of the show. Check it out, you never know what you might see.

I've thought of no less than a dozen captions for this picture. I just can't stop coming up with ways to mock this miserable-looking dude. I fully expect some great captions from you guys in the comments section. - Aaron

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The Game Developers Conference 2010 is currently underway, which means you should expect lots of semi-exciting announcements: Everyone knows that developers save all their big stuff for June's E3 event! 

News Blips:

Sony officially announces their new motion controller, the PlayStation Move. They plan to sell the device, with the PlayStation Eye and a game, as a starter kit priced under $100. Much like the Wii, the Move also has an extra nunchuck-style component called the PlayStation Move Sub-Controller. It's like the first time I saw the original PlayStation controller and thought that they had blatantly copied the Super Nintendo -- excuse: "But this controller has four shoulder buttons!"

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Battle-hardened soldiers march across war-torn combat zones. Machines of impossibly awesome, destructive capabilities scatter enemy units and turn the tide of conflict.

My attention darts back-and-forth in all directions -- the enemy assaults my resource collection through the backdoor, all the while heavy resistance stalls my efforts on the front lines! Scouts report that the enemy set up an expanded base of operations!

Whoever said real-time strategy is a dead genre hasn’t been paying attention. Supreme Commander 2 is out. Dawn of War 2’s first expansion, Chaos Rising, is on the way. And two other upcoming titles -- both continuations of RTS stalwarts -- are running betas to polish their gameplay: Starcraft 2 and Command & Conquer 4.

I’ve had some time with each, which has revealed that these games are walking down wildly different paths. My impressions are by no means a complete commentary on either game (since these are just betas at the moment), and Blizzard or EA LA could alter anything by the time of this writing.

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I really think that Disney should make some neon, glow-in-the-dark Frisbees to promote Tron: Legacy -- I'd totally buy one.

Video Blips:

• The new Tron flick looks like the perfect father-son movie, especially if your dad abandoned you to go live in a video-game world. You should give him a call and ask him if wants to watch it with you. [Joystiq]

Continue after the break for a GDC 2010 talk on the impact of the Final Fantasy series, an aesthetically-pleasing Gran Turismo 5 trailer, and a Final Fantasy 13 remix from DJ Mom Jeans, aka Hyde from That '70s Show.

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Editor's note: Michael is beginning to show a bit of a knack for dreaming up writing exercises that engage the community. This challenge was all about distilling one's writing down to its essentials. I think it was some famous guy that said, "Brevity is the soul of wit."  I wonder who that was.... -James

I'm going to level with you guys: I was a little worried. With one week to go before the entries for The Final Cut were due, I only had two submissions -- and one of them was my sample review. I started to think that this time, I had created a challenge that was too difficult or one that wasn't well-suited to the Bitmob community. In a place that grants writers the freedom to express themselves as they see fit, a writing prompt that asks authors to continuously cut their reviews down to meet increasingly more difficult word counts is a hard sell.

Thankfully, my fears were unnecessary. Several of you decided to take part in my writing prompt, and I'm grateful for your support. You came up with some great examples of distilled prose -- examples that I'm pleased to share with the Bitmob community.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...this is The Final Cut.

The Final Cut -- Ceremony of Innocence

by Richard Moss

Richard kicks off the challenge with a bang. He chooses a very obscure game for his review. In fact, the game, Ceremony of Innocence, might not even be a game at all in the traditional sense. However, his review is definitely a review, and it gets sharper and clearer with each cut. 

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I never find puzzle games that grab me until the second installment is out, but I think Blosics 2 stands in its own world of crazy-hard time wasters with physics mechanics. 

Unlike most of the puzzles I've featured, Blosics requires you to carefully angle shots with a variety of shot sizes. Each shot costs points, and the goal of each level isn't to clear the screen of green blocks, but to earn and maintain a score of 100. Sounds simple enough, right? This game is driving me mad. 

The example I've given in the picture is easy enough to solve; however, as you progress, you have to angle shots through mazes of score-destroying red blocks and skillfully bounce them off rubber bumpers. I may have met my puzzly match in this. 

Play Blosics 2 here -- if you dare. 

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Editor's note: With Final Fantasy 13 out, I thought now would be a good time to revisit Brian's 12 Worlds of Final Fantasy. He kicks off with the game that launched one of the most important and beloved franchises in gaming: the original Final Fantasy. -Jason

Franchises and sequels have been a part of gaming since its very inception. When gamers grow attached to a particular title and put their money behind it, developers often feel the need to create a sequel. We've seen this occur with Pac-Man, Mario, Pokémon, and even more recent games such as Halo.

Despite each of these franchises resonating with millions of gamers, none have spawned as many titles as a certain fantasy franchise. Whether or not that's a good thing is a matter of opinion, but regardless of your take on the series, Final Fantasy has clearly won the hearts of millions of gamers during its 22-year existence.

With 13 core titles in the Final Fantasy series (with today's U.S. debut of Final Fantasy 13), Square Enix has built a juggernaut. What's even more impressive than its longevity, however, is that each title in the series is significantly different from its predecessor. Many RPG franchises are similar (at least from a gameplay standpoint) with each installment, but Final Fantasy is one of the rare exceptions.

Ever since the transition from Final Fantasy to Final Fantasy 2, Square Enix hasn't been afraid to drastically alter the series' gameplay and potentially alienate their fans. For many players, this is part of the charm of the franchise, and they return to each title expecting a wacky, albeit deep, battle system.

Differences in each installment may satisfy certain hardcore gamers' fantasies, but players also return to Final Fantasy because of familiar elements that carry over to each installment. With the name Final Fantasy, players expect to see Cid, airships, and Chocobos. If players didn't enjoy watching Zell eat hot dogs in Final Fantasy 8 or staring at a bare-chested Vaan in Final Fantasy 12, they just might find enough traditional elements to make a particular entry of the series bearable.

If you haven't heard of Final Fantasy by now, your soul will forever remain in purgatory. But those of you who're familiar with this legendary RPG series might like to know how Brian Shirk's "The 12 Worlds of Final Fantasy" will go down. Basically, the only thing you'll need to know is that 12 installments of Final Fantasy history are headed your way, so all your favorite (and detested) titles in the franchise will be equally represented. So if you're ready for this wild Chocobo ride, drop everything else you're doing and delve into the twelve worlds of Final Fantasy. This piece contains numerous spoilers.

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I think the various consoles should set aside their differences, team up, go through a cheesy montage sequence, and battle the dreaded foes of boredom and placidity throughout the galaxy. Curse my '90s-television upbringing.

News Blips:

An industry research company asserts that the PS3 will eventually outsell its competition during the current console generation. The company indicated that the PS3 "will still be a commercial platform five years after the Wii has been replaced. Lifetime PS3 sales are predicted to reach 127 million units, compared to 103 million Wii units." The analysis also noted that worldwide console sales will fall by 9% this year, but overall figures of consoles installed in households will continue to grow. By the time we realize the extent of the console network across the globe, Skynet will have us in its web. [IndustryGamers]

Speaking with IndustryGamers, industry veteran Will Wright (The Sims) believes that the Wii belongs in the toy market. Wright stressed the stark difference in gameplay that the Wii provides, lending a toy-like level of fun instead of the involved experiences of the Xbox 360 or PS3. "It really is more into what I would call the toy market, because most of the Wii games I've enjoyed felt more like toys than like games," he said. I think Wright is on to something here -- I've amused myself for hours on end just by driving my cat crazy with the Wiimote.

An anonymous source has confirmed that Sony will implement a familiar-looking nunchuck add-on for its Arc motion-control device. In a move that aims to bring Wii developers into the PS3 camp, and in order to facilitate a developer's "upgrade" to the PS3, the new add-on will feature elements "reminiscent" to the Wii's own controller. Tomorrow, Sony will reveal addition details in a special event at the Game Developers Conference. Oh, great -- first it looked like a Spin Pop, now it resembles a deep-sea creature. [Develop]

Microsoft has no plans to adopt Blu-ray support into the Xbox 360. In the past, the restrictive storage limit of the Xbox 360's disc media has forced developers to cut content from their games. This led to a push for transition in to the much-lauded Blu-ray format. Microsoft remains adamant that the future lies with digital distribution: Director of Xbox and Entertainment Stephen McGill proclaims that "the future of home entertainment started last autumn when Xbox 360 became the first and only console to offer instant-on 1080p streaming HD movies." I fervently hope that CEO Steve Ballmer doesn't help out by bounding across a stage while yelling his lungs hoarse. [CVG]

Got any hot news tips? Send 'em over to tips@bitmob.com.

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Pixel Revolt is Bitmob's community-driven podcast, in which Derek Lavigne, Jeff Grubb, Brett Bates, and a special guest dive into the Mobfeed to discuss interesting posts written by Bitmob members. For the second half of the show, they throw a question out to the community so that you can have your voice heard. If you'd like to contribute your opinion to the show, follow the upload instructions after the break.

Pixel Revolt -- Episode 19

The show is super-sized this week thanks to tremendous community input -- and the semi-coherent ramblings of Bitmob intern Mike Minotti. (We kid, Mike. We love you.) Topics discussed include sensationalist games reporting, good and bad peripherals, learning when to let go of a bad game, and which expanded universe Brett geeked out for as a kid. All that and your answers to last episode's community question.

Direct Download (right click save as)

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I should've known that something weird was going on today when my bowl of alphabet cereal spelled out "those Framerated guys will confuse the hell out of you". Yep, it said all of that.

Video Blips:

• The zany bunch at Framerated throws us in a loop by playing through the first 30 (yes, 30!) minutes of Final Fantasy 13. I feel like I'm in a time paradox -- where's my Delorean when I need it?

Continue after the break for a return to the world of Zenozoik in Zeno Clash: Ultimate Edition, some timely saves by the goalies of FIFA World Cup: South Africa, and a reminder of the inherent dangers in owning a Portal gun.

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Editor's note: Brian argues that there is a strong connection between the public's disinterest in academic subjects -- most notably history -- and the general consensus that RPGs are a niche genre: If people don't care about their own origins, why would they care about an invented history? -James

Programmers originally designed video games as complex diversions intended for geeks, but the release of the infamous virtual paddle-battle known as Pong altered their future. With a simple Magnavox Odyssey Tennis clone, Atari shifted video games' appeal from hackers to bar patrons and soccer moms worldwide. Ever since the '70s, the indusry has seen games that have appealed to hardcore gamers or casual gamers exclusively, and sometimes titles have even appealed to both market segments.

Hundreds of games belong in each bracket, but one particular genre rarely leaves its hardcore confines. The role-playing game has typically appealed to hardcore gamers due to their tolerance for complex statistics and immersive worlds. But I've got another reason RPGs rarely reach the mainstream -- they often draw from academic subjects like history that people typically find boring.

Despite living in a complex world full of incomplete records and archaeological wonders, few people care to learn about it. Most of the Earth's nearly seven billion people see history as an amalgamation of dates and names, when really, it's about learning from our predecessors so we can improve the future.

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I think Luigi is beginning to win gaming's most famous sibling rivalry award. Not only can he jump higher, but his place serves pizzas, burgers, and kebabs [via Geekologie]:

I would never have figured Mario for a baker. Actually, this finally explains Yoshi's Cookie.

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Bizarre Creations developers Geb Talbot and Garreth Wilson join Dan Hsu, Demian Linn, and Brett Bates on this week's show, which kicks off Bitmob's "3 Great Prizes, 3 Ways to Win" giveaway. 

The group recalls their favorite racing games, pit Bad Company 2 against Modern Warfare 2, suggest N64 games that need to be re-released, and discuss just how aware game reviewers need to be about other forms of media.

Have a question you want answered? Want to share some important insight with the world? E-mail the crew at letters@bitmob.com.

Click here to find out how you can get in on the "3 Great Prizes, 3 Ways to Win" giveaway.

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This is, without question, the world's most confusing product:

For starters, it seems as though the backpack's makers threw every conceivable cultural meme at this thing -- including President Obama, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Harry Potter. But I suppose the Chinese flea market salesmen weren't aware of their product's baffling appeal.

And don't even get me started on the colors -- beyond being unspeakably weird, they simply don't make any sense. Why does Sonic have the number 10 on his chest? Why are his eyes yellow and his hands red? So many questions...so few answers.

If one thing is certain, it's that Chinese bootleg backpacks are awesome [via Geekologie]!

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True story: When I interviewed to work at the Apple store last week, they asked what I thought of gaming on the Mac. I lamented that not having Steam sets it behind the PC, so in a way, I called this.

News Blips:

Valve announces plans to bring the popular digital distribution platform Steam to the Mac. In a press-release, Valve co-founder Gabe Newell stated that the Steam Play feature "allows customers who purchase the product for the Mac or Windows to play on the other platform free of charge." Furthermore, the company plans to have players on both platforms "share the same multiplayer universe" (servers, lobbies, etc.). Hurray -- soon the stigma of being a Mac gamer will (hopefully) be erased! 

Yesterday, a group of hackers attacked Ubisoft's DRM servers that players use to access the single-player campaigns of Assassin's Creed 2 and Silent Hunter 5 for PC. The company confirmed (via a tweet) that the attack on their servers resulted in "limited service" for a small group of players trying to access said titles for a period of six and a half hours. Today Ubisoft tweets that their servers are on the defense again and "some gamers are experiencing trouble signing in." How nice it sounds to be one of Ubisoft's paying customers. 

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Editor's note: Did last week's PS3 debacle leave you staring blankly at your TV screen, slack-jawed and unsure what to do with your life? Check out Alex's list of similar game company screw-ups for some solace. -Brett

Sony did its best to ruin St. David's Day (Monday, March 1) for Welsh gamers with the "ApocalyPS3" -- clearly an anti-Celt effort to overshadow Wales's national day. While the problem -- due to faulty internal clocks on older PS3s -- fixed itself in the end, it got me thinking: How have other game companies dropped the ball in the past?

The World of Warcraft "Corrupted Blood" Plague (Blizzard)

This one was actually fun to watch. A glitch caused a disease intended to be confined to only one area to spread to the entire world of the World of Warcraft. It gradually reduced players' health -- not a big problem for higher-level players, but it killed others in seconds flat. Good Samaritans spent their time setting up virtual clinics and directing people away from infected areas, while pranksters (or assholes, depending on your point of view) deliberately spread the disease until Blizzard reset the servers.

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