I hope that most of you have heard at least one of the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" commercials by now.
If not, Google is your friend.
Anyway, here's my take on these commercials, with a video game twist. The parenthetical remarks are the parts sung by the background singer.
Today we salute you Mr. Lazy Video Game Art Director
(Mr. Lazy Video Game Art Director)
Brushing aside such concepts as variety and innovation,
You've wisely chosen the gentle downhill slope known as pallate-swapping.
(Make the next one pink!)
Were the enemies on stage 3 blue or green?
Better check on that in between pages of xxxbikerchicks.com.
(I like 'em in leather)
So crack open an ice cold Diet Coke Mr. Lazy Video Game Art Director
You've shown us that the only way to be cool...
is to look like everyone else.
(Mr. Lazy Video Game Art Director)
Today we salute you Mr. Hardcore Angry Voice Chat Guy
(Mr. Hardcore Angry Voice Chat Guy)
Not only have you demonstrated your mastery of the game,
but you've proven your unmatched vocabulary of expletives.
(You want me to put 'what' 'where?')
It's amazing that you can give up-to-the-second orders to everyone on your own team
and still manage to completely dominate the enemy.
(We're such noobs)
So crack open an ice cold energy drink Mr. Hardcore Angry Voice Chat Guy
Just as soon as you save the rest of our sorry asses from failing as miserably at this game...
as we fail at life.
(Mr. Hardcore Angry Voice Chat Guy)
Today we salute you Mr. Mediocre FPS Producer
(Mr. Mediocre FPS Producer)
You've eschewed the dangerous proposition of exploring new intellectual property
and instead made the safe bet of giving us another World War II shooter.
(Running along the beach at Normandy)
You've even forgotten about the Pacific Theater,
once again giving us Brits in the desert and Russians in the snow.
(Never seen that one before)
So crack open an ice cold imported bottled water Mr. Mediocre FPS Producer,
Because the only thing better than killing Nazis and Japanese...
is killing Nazis and Nazis.
(Mr. Mediocre FPS Producer)
Anyone else care to give it a try?
Comments (14)
I like your better Jay!!!
Very funny, Jay, I especially like the FPS one.
Today we salute you, Mr. Japanese Role-Playing Game Protagonist
(Mr. Japanese Role-Playing Game Protagonist)
Knowing that the cornerstones of manliness are confidence and bravado, you bravely choose to forgo both, forging your maverick path through life with whining and random emotional meltdowns.
(Dare to be different)
How will you face the world today? In the leather jumpsuit covered in zippers and belt buckles? Or the Elizabethan Peasant Girl smock?
(I don't have any pockets)
You fight monsters every day, but the most elusive beast of all...is love.
(It's time to let the pain out)
So crack open an ice-cold Mana potion, Mr. Japanese Role-Playing Game Protagonist,
Because the only thing more manly than saving the world is crying while doing so.
(Mr. Japanese Role-Playing Game Protagonist)
Today we salute you, Mr. Too Short Game With Online Muliplayer (Mr. Too Short Game With Online Muliplayer)
Knowing people will pay full price for a six hour game,
You don't do any more work than you have to
(Hurry up and load another bowl, Man)
A cool opening scene, three big set pieces, and a snow level
This is gonna be game of the year material
(Put the rest of that crap in DLC)
So crack open an ice cold Gatorade Mr. Too Short Game With Online Muliplayer, after all that work... you need to rehydrate.
(Mr. Too Short Game With Online Muliplayer)
Here's a quick attempt:
Today we salute you, Mr. Only Plays Expert Guitar in Music Video Games.
Mr. Only Plays Expert Guitar in Music Video Games!
You've quickly determined that singing is for sissies, that bassists rarely get to play obnoxious solos, and that it's too difficult to dance around your living room like an ass while still playing the drums.
I wanna do the windmill!
You prefer to play metal songs that are well above your skill level. Songs that your bandmates are sick of hearing. But your priorities are in the right place: you use the whammy bar on every note and you leave your guitar effects switch set to "wah-wah".
It's my signature sound!
Soon enough, you'll be well on your way to real rock stardom. You can almost play "Louie Louie" and "Wild Thing" on a real, genuine electric guitar.
It was on sale at Wal-Mart!
So crack open a lukewarm Red Bull, Mr. Only Plays Expert Guitar in Music Video Games. And keep on rocking... one drunkenly-performed color-coded guitar solo at a time.
Mr. Only Plays Expert Guitar in Music Video Games!
Today we salute you, Mr. Best Buy Rock Band Player.
(Mr. Best Buy Rock Band Player)
After spending hours honing your skills at home, you're ready to take your show on the road. First stop: the demo kiosk at your local Best Buy.
(Make sure you read the rider)
For the benefit of anyone who will stop and watch, you will demonstrate your Expert skills on the only song you are any good at: Paramore's That's What You Get.
(No requests, please)
So in tune are you with your craft, you won't stand aside for anyone...even a six-year-old kid who just wants to bang on the drums.
(I'm a solo artist, really)
So crack open an ice-cold beverage of your choice, Mr. Best Buy Rock Band Player,
Because some day a girl will notice...and if this doesn't make her want to have sex with you, nothing will.
(Mr. Best Buy Rock Band Player)
