One is a new class-based, objective-oriented first-person shooter from developer Splash Damage, which brings daring new ideas to the genre that encourage teamwork and class synergy.

The other is a Disney Channel original movie about rollerblading, the love of the sport, and friendship. "It takes a champ to stay in line." Get it !?

Let's take them paragraph by paragraph and chart their similarities and their differences.

When I rented Brink from a nearby Redbox, I knew what I was getting into. I was entering the game with a background in Monday Night Combat, Team Fortress 2, and Bad Company 2. The idea of a multiplayer-only game with limited map selections and a dismissible or non-existent single-player campaign was well-charted territory to me. Even when Splash Damage promised a campaign, I wasn't expecting much. My focus was on playing with others.

I watched Brink! on the Disney Channel during the height of the extreme sports fad (a craze which owes no small debt to Tony Hawk's Pro Skater). I remember that it had acting cheesy enough to choke a rat, as well as corny and memorable lines like "Do it or vacate!"

When I started playing Brink online, I suffered through your usual lag. As someone who has played a lot of shooters, I've grown accustomed crippling rubberbanding, and I"m used to dropping a match and searching for a new one. All online titles are subject to lag, including personal favorites like Monday Night Combat and Marvel vs. Capcom 3.

But for every bout of lagginess, Brink offered a smooth round with interesting team-play mechanics. I could hack enemy comms to give my team radar, construct turrets to defend choke points, revive downed allies, and booby trap the ground with caltrops -- all with a healthy experience bonus for helping my team in some way. Best of all, I could expect my teammates to do the same, even if it wasn't in the spirit of teamwork. Brink rewards self-centered players for acting in a selfless way.

While searching through YouTube for clips of Brink!, I found clothing that seemed strangely like it was from 30 years ago even though the movie only came out 10 years ago. The antagonists are sponsored inline skaters who wear the loudest yellow uniforms I've ever seen. Blind people would say the color hurts their eyes. The protagonists call themselves "soul skaters." To them, it means they aren't sell outs; they skate for the fun of it. To me, it means that they are extreme necromancers, resurrecting souls so they can hit the half-pipe. Best of all is the film's assortment of big mullets and slicked back hair that only the '90s could condone.

On one side, Brink would like to have you think that its SMART ("smooth movement across random terrain"...really, Splash Damage?) system's parkour elements give the combat a certain amount of flair. In practice, the maps don't really offer a whole lot of variety in terms of parkour routes unless you truly dedicate yourself to identifying the opportunities.

SMART has revolutionized the way we move around waist-high railings!

On the other side, Brink! takes place in a variety of colorful locales throughout southern California -- from a beachside skate pit to an indoor industrial skate facility to an amusement park to a dog grooming store called Pup 'N Suds. It's classic cinema, really.

Brink appeals to me because my expectations weren't as high as everyone else's. Asides from a bit lag and uninspired map design, I got what I wanted in terms of what Splash Damage promised. (Though, 50 bucks is a bit much for what Brink currently offers. I'd recommend buying it on sale. Here's looking at you Amazon!)

The movie Brink! doesn't appeal to me at all. It is constantly being referenced by my friends and colleagues in an attempt to annoy me. If I found a copy, it would probably be at a flea market a few dollars. Thee bucks is way too expensive for my taste. But if you threw in a Halloweentown and a Zenon, I might consider your offer.

Remember Zenon? Now you do!

Please give Brink a try. I know it may be hard with what you've heard and read, but if you're willing to invest some time, it can be a fun experience that's distinct from the yearly Call of Duty updates.

Also, make sure never to bring up Brink! again.

Do you want to watch something about Brink instead doing all that tiring reading? Try my impressions video! Or maybe, you could follow me on Twitter. That's cool, too, bro.