Coming This Week

Tuesday November 13, 2012

Ben 10 Omniverse (Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, 3DS, DS)

And the Ben 10 train just keeps on rolling with a new cartoon series coming out soon of the same name. To herald its eventual release, we get treated to this incredibly generic Beat’em Up starring Ben 10 complete with his 10 transformations. For kids with friends, it has co-op.

Epic Mickey: The Power of Two (Xbox 360, PS3, Wii)

I could’ve sworn the first Epic Mickey didn’t do all that well commercially and critically. I guess two million units sold still warrant a full on sequel complete with branching out to multiple platforms. Like before, Mickey still has his power of paint and thinner and is joined by his drop-in anytime co-op partner, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. He has different skill sets from Mickey and is adept at dealing with mechanical foes. Voice acting has been implemented for everyone. Since everyone can talk, why not sing while we’re at it. The developers have billed the game as a musical comedy complete with musical numbers performed by just about everyone on-screen. Not much about the game has changed beyond this, and hopefully the various ills of the previous game like a bad camera and controls issue will be remedied this time around.

F1 Race Stars (Xbox 360, PS3)

So, nobody cares about your sport. What do you do? Based on this game, Formula 1 racing will hook you in while you’re young. Of course, Codemasters, the developers, will say something along the lines of “experimenting with a known formula” nonsense when talking about F1 Race Stars, but we all know what this kart racer really is. This is F1 racing indoctrinating our young with their weirdly shaped “cars” and their right turns through cartoon characters and green/red shell wannabe power-ups. Don’t fall for it folks! Don’t let your children fall under its heathen spells and get them NASCAR The Game: Inside Line that came out last week instead. On a side, totally unrelated note, I’ll be interviewing for an anchor position on Fox news tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Monster High: Skultimate Roller Maze (Wii, DS)

Now this maybe a first. Instead of kart racing game for whatever random license, we get a roller skating racing game. Do people even know what the hell roller skates are anymore?

The Hip-Hop Dance Experience (Xbox 360, Wii)

Do your kids make fun of your dancing what with your swing dancing and your Cabbage Patching and your Hokey Pokeys? If you answered yes to that question, we have a product just for you! Introducing The Hip-Hop Dance Experience! With our state of the art dancing game filled with 40 hipppity hop tracks, you too can bust a move with your kids at their local nightclub. Impress their friends as you do the Wobble or the Thinking Man. Master every track in this game and you will be the king of the dance floor. We accept Visa and Mastercard. No personal checks.

Victorious: Taking the Lead (Wii, DS)

Must we really make a video game about getting a part in a school play by playing a bunch of mini-games? We really didn’t need yet another game based on the Victorious Nickelodeon show, and yet that just seems to be the sad reality I seem to be living in now. I can really use a dimensional rift right about now.

Wonderbook: Book of Spells (PS3 Move)

Remember that awkward presentation at this year’s Sony’s E3 press conference where a couple of grown ass adults try to make augmented reality look marginally interesting by waggling about with the Move and a book that comes to life on the TV screen? Most people are still trying to forget that moment, but unfortunately for them, the actual “game” comes out this week. I suggest bashing your head against the nearest hard surface to force the memories to sink back into that mnemonic oblivion we all have in our heads.

Big Time Rush: Dance Party (Wii)

These boy bands just keeps cropping up don’t they? And because just about every kids show gets video games these days, we have here what essentially amounts to Just Dance: Big Time Rush. I just hope you don’t mind the mind bogglingly large selection of 16 songs to dance to. Hell I would’ve settled for... none!

Rabbids Rumble (3DS)

It looks like the tables have finally turned for these poor Rabbids. These guys started out by literally stealing an entire franchise from Rayman, but ever since Rayman found some new friends and is actually giving Mario some legitimate competition in the 2D Platforming space, the Rabbids have become less and less relevant. Neverthelesss, they continue their mini-game collection antics here and even have a strange, turn-based battle system you can play with other players. You can also collect new and rare Rabbids from StreetPassing in addition to just playing the 100 or so mini-games. Try not to feel bad for these guys. You have to admit. They’re sort of jerks.

Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified (Vita)

Have you noticed how we barely heard anything about this game ever since it was announced back at E3? Based on the various previews that actually managed to get some hands-on time, it doesn’t look good. Bad controls (given how it is effectively missing four buttons compared to a console controller), miniaturized multiplayer modes, no killcams, and the fact that it’s made by Nihilistic Software (As in the same guys behind Resistance: Burning Skies) does not bode well for Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified, which could’ve been the reason for people to actually buy a Vita. Poor thing. It just can’t catch a break.

Compilations of the Week

Screw it! I’m officially making this a permanent section of Coming Soon!

Tuesday November 13, 2012

Assassin’s Creed: Ezio Trilogy (PS3)

Because Ubisoft is convinced that the millions of copies sold in the series isn’t good enough...

• Assassin’s Creed 2
• Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood
• Assassin’s Creed Revelations

Resistance Collection (PS3)

Wanna play the losing side of a war between mankind and aliens? Insomniac has three games just for you. On a side note, unlike most compilations this one comes packed with DLCs for the second and third iterations.

• Resistance: Fall of Man
• Resistance 2
• Resistance 3

Late to the Party

• LEGO The Lord of the Rings (Xbox 360, PS3, Wii) 11/13/2012