It’s Day 5 of the PlayStation Network Crisis; with still no explanation from Sony or word of condolences by the Obama Administration. Now it appears the only people impacted by the PSN Crisis are the PlayStation owners who don’t have school or a job.

By now one has to suspect foul play at work here but who is to blame. This is starting to sound very familiar, a lot like the BP Gulf Spill back in 2010. Could this be retribution for all the criticism internet people made about British Petroleum and its handling of the oil spill and yeah it’s only a coincidence the PlayStation Network goes down on the anniversary of the oil spill? I’m not saying BP is responsible but Sony is acting a lot like British Petroleum during this crisis. But; don’t be surprised if BP offers Japan free oil in the next few weeks. While Sony and BP toy with the public, no concern has yet to be given to those who have nothing to do on a Monday.

And what has become of those PlayStation owners who had no school or job on a Monday? Are they expected to read a book or something? Sure some might say books are better than those “violent video games” because it opens up the imagination.

I however laugh at this ill thought out logic. You know what creative ideas books teach people. Ask Mark Chapman who after reading Catcher in the Rye, was inspired to kill John Lennon. Or what about Osama Bin Laden who after reading a book decided to wage a Jihad against Western Democracy? Let us also not forget that it was a little book called The Turner Diaries that inspired a series of terrorist attacks including the 1995 Oklahoma City Bombing. Besides people who read books we must be aware of those who write books and the evils they are capable of. Look at the evils being perpetrated by Muammar Gaddafi, who also wrote a book. For those who enjoy romance novels try indulge your lust in the literature works of Saddam Hussein. Or if you enjoy adventure books than read the works of Che Guevara.

The point is that books are bad for you. Just watch TV and play video games but if you have to read, than limit your self to only beer bottles, comic books, blogs and internet stuff no more than 1000 words (void Wikileaks, it makes you think about naughty things). Just turn on the TV, find the right channel and anyone stumble about the wisdom of a wise teacher. After all in these dark times of uncertainty thankfully one could turn to the teachings of this wise and spiritual teacher, I of course talking about Glenn Beck. Who needs books when Glenn Beck better explains everything, plus no one has to read and think, just listen and understand.

Which comes to the next point, has anyone asked who would want PlayStation owners to be deprived of their right to play online and instead be forced to read books (besides Xbox 360 owners)? It would be the Obama Socialist Government. Ever since Obama became president there have been tons of anti-video game ads encouraging people to play outside or read books. This is just an example of the Obama Socialist Government trying to dictate what we can and can not do.

But what if this is plot by the Liberal Elite and their war against violent video games. It was only 2010 that Joe Lieberman (D-Connecticut) proposed an internet kill switch simply because Communist China has one thus we should too. This is the kill switch being tested on us helpless gamers. We PlayStation owners are being used as guinea pigs in this test of the internet kill switch; this is the typical Socialist backstabbing we elected into office back in 2008. GOOD JOB INTERNET PEOPLE YOU JUST SUPPORTED YOUR OWN DEMISE. . 

Yet if this is the internet kill switch, why test it on helpless PlayStation owners? Unless it’s Microsoft that is developing and testing this plague while giving Xbox 360 owners ca temporary edge on their online gaming. If so why hasn’t President Obama responded to this crisis? Its probably has to do with an issue that is more controversial than the legitimacy of his birth certificate, the truth regarding his Xbox Live account. 

First it has to be assumed that Obama owns a Wii. Why? First he has children and every parent who has a good job needs to buy their brat a Wii. Second; most games on the Wii are family friendly or for children, this is perfect for a Socialist Liberal because they prefer sissy non-violent games over the violent video games (which they like to label as propaganda for the military industrial complex).

But when Obama wants to play a sports game with Joe Bidan, he needs to do it in a secret room with an Xbox 360; hence he needs to have an Xbox Live account. So what would happen if this were true? If Obama dose have an Xbox Live account, than his approval ratings in the African-American community would suffer horribly. Why? Because the African-American Community is all about PlayStation; back in the day rappers would show off their fancy PlayStations while everyone got to experience Grand Theft Auto III and ViceCity. Besides everyone knows Xbox is just for nerdy white kids with no street creed, which is totally not gangster. But if it was learned that Obama is an Xbox gamer, it would show how he is such an elitist with no connections to his roots.  

This thought of race relation comes to the next point; this time the theory regards an international conspiracy to oppress African-Americans similar to Jim Crow, slavery, and crack. Since PlayStation is the official gaming console of all that is gangster, the powers that be have shut down the network as a mien to oppress the community. This is nothing but a ploy to disenfranchise African-American gamers of their civil rights to play online.

However; there is one entity that has the motive and capability to shut down the PlayStation Network and is so evil to do so, North Korea. This could be retaliation against gamers for their demand in Homefront. Being so insulted by creative work of John Milius, Kim Jong-Il has orchestrated an attack against all gamers but has only succeeded tormenting PlayStation owners. Or it could be a ploy just for some attention since the world is too busy focused on the Sendai Earthquake or the Libyan Crisis. If this the root cause than it’s no surprise that such a horrendous attack would originate by such a savage nation that enjoys starving its population to death. 

I, like so man gamers, have had only one question; what happen to the PlayStation Network? Yet I was able to compile so many well thought out answers. But (hopefully) they are all incorrect and that what’s really going on is a maintenance issue. But if I’m right than we have a problem that could only be solved if all PlayStation owners unite against the Fat Cat corporations and the Obama Socialist Government. By only asking the right questions and resisting Socialist oppression will we ever overcome this PlayStation Network Crisis.

In the words of Glenn Beck, “All men are created equal. It is what you do from there that makes the difference. We are all free agents in life. We make our own decisions. We control our own destiny.”