The 2010 Penny Arcade Expo kicks off September 3. As of this writing, it's just over a week away. That isn't a lot of time to get your things in order, especially if you're a first-time attendee. A convention can be an intimidating place if you go in unprepared -- both mentally and physically.

Whether you're a PAX Prime rookie or a seasoned vet, you should go in completely ready to rock the show floor. There's a lot to see, even more to do, and not enough time to hit it all. The weekend disappears as quickly as it comes, and before you know it you're on a flight home, sick as a dog, and waiting to die.

Or is that just me?

Despite having attended the Seattle event before, I walked out of last year's PAX feeling equally awful and satisfied. That changes this year: I'm shooting for all satisfaction. If you're going, make sure to check out this list of must-do things, must-follow rules, and must-use tactics to survive the show.

Oh, and pay special attention to the Penny Arcade staff's advice -- Jerry Holkins (Tycho) and Robert Khoo contribute top-notch tips for having fun.

PART ONE: How to Stay Alive

This past spring's PAX East hosted 50,000 attendees. PAX Prime 2009 topped 60,000. Aside from avoiding the herd's shoes on your face, what do you need to do to stay healthy? It's common sense, really, but you'd be surprised how few people follow a few simple rules.

Keep clean.

If you aren't using the hand-sanitizer stations scattered around the floor, I'll personally see that you're punished for your crime. That is, unless you're carrying Purell in your pocket. Cleanliness is the most essential part of staying alive at PAX.

It's not that everyone around you is toxic -- they're actually lovely people. But you've got thousands of people playing kiosks with the same controller, and uncleansed hands spread germs like wildfire.

Furthermore, wash your hands with soap before leaving the washroom. Hell, do it if you walk near a washroom. Even if others aren't using hand sanitizer and soap, you're saving yourself from potential sickness by keeping clean. In this otherwise group-friendly location, think selfishly when it comes to your personal hygiene.

Tycho Says...

A DS isn't a suggestion, it's a requirement. There's no place outside of Akihabara that you're likely to see this kind of handheld density, and all those cool passive multiplayer games -- you know the ones I'm talking about, the ones you can never make the most of -- all work like they're supposed to at PAX.

Keep your badge safe.

You need it at all times to get anywhere at PAX, so keep an eye on your badge holder's stability. Sometimes, they break -- I had it happen twice last year -- and you can drop it. Fortunately, people at PAX are awesome and immediately grab you when you're silly enough to lose it. Ahem.

Also, if you can help it, pick up your badge on Thursday if it wasn't already mailed to you. It'll save you from the gargantuan Friday morning line.

Stay hydrated!

Bring a satchel or backpack, if only to carry bottles of water with your free swag. It's not that PAX gets muggy or that you run the risk of dehydrating -- it's just best to drink water anyway.

You can develop pretty gnarly headaches if you're only slamming cans of Coke or not drinking at all. You'll lose a lot of energy in the evening, too, which might put you in bed instead of front and center at the Anamanaguchi concert.

This goes the same for food. Eat, for cryin' out loud, eat! The convention center has plenty of legitimately great food -- Taco del Mar, Subway, and a stellar little pizza joint on the ground level. Pig out when you need a break from the floor. It'll keep you feeling great.

Tycho Says...

I mentioned the DS up top, but I have to come back to it, because it's practically survival equipment here. You're going to be in lines. You're going to wait for panels. What's more, you're going to meet real people over this thing. It's a cultural signifier. Bring your DS.

Read on for Part Two: How to Be an Awesome Person!