PADUCAH, KY—A great uproar swept the gaming community yesterday after a blogger posted a malicious review of Electronic Arts' newly-released first-person shooter Call of Warfare. Claiming it was “yet another bland World War II rehash” and contained “incredibly stale run-and-gun gameplay,” blogger Clarence Myers, better known on the Web as NinjaRobot26, went against the vast majority of professional reviewers, whose average scores put the game at an average of 82 on Metacritic. Games Rock magazine declared the game “the best WWII-based shooter of the month!” while YourMothersBasement.com raved that “it's fun to shoot people in the game.”
“I love a good shooter as much as the next gamer, but sometimes you have to man-up and tell it like it is,” said Myers in an interview. “Someday I'll be able to look back and say I made an impact on the industry.”
Myers should be very satisfied with the outcome. Late last night in an emergency press conference, a representative from EA announced that, as a result of Myers' well-thought-out and brilliantly-worded review, the company would be immediately canceling the two sequels to Call of Warfare that were already in development. We realize the errors in our ways now. It will never be about the money anymore... only the innovation and ascension of the video game medium as a form of art,” the spokesperson stated. Following this approach, EA's sports division also declared that they would cease production of their yearly titles, and Koei announced the end of the Dynasty Warriors franchise.
As a way of saying thank you for his epiphanic review, EA contacted Myers early this morning to offer him a job as Lead Designer in one of their development branches. The blogger, who was unemployed for the past three months following his being fired at the local Burger King, quickly accepted.
When asked what new ideas he would bring to the table, Myers said, “I'm not allowed to be too specific, but I'm thinking of moving the FPS genre into a more modern setting. You know, destructible environments, open-world gameplay, and such.”
