No comments? From the looks of your author feed, it seems like your articles get lots of comments.

As for what to try next, all I can think of is that you could experiment with different ideas and styles of writing -- one day something might just 'click' with the Bitmob audience.

That sucks about your parents. I don't take kindly to people whose only words for their children are negative.

This had almost nothing to do with video games!

But seriously Jeff, you and I have spoken at length about this. So there is not much more I can add. Like Richard said above, I would keep trying new ways of writing and maybe you will find your niche. 

Whenever I used to complain about anything, my Grandfather told me to "take the piss biting" and then he would drive me a few hours from home and drop me off, and I would have to walk back. Okay, that last part is a lie, but a nice 6 hour walk does help put things in perspective.

Anyway, if you ever need an ear....

Your piece about gender identity and game avatars was the first thing I commented on here at Bitmob. It inspired me to start posting my own articles, for what it's worth.

Bitmob is an opportunity, not a guarantee. I have posted and unposted stuff that I lost confidence in after few views, no likes and zero comments. But I think that misses the point. For me, I see Bitmob as not only a chance to find an audience who might dig what I say and how I say it, but also an opportunity to be brave about it and get over my own anxiety.

The last piece I wrote came out in a big excited woosh and I put it up with very little editing to what seemed like the resounding indifference of the community. I went back to it a day later with edits, embarrassed that people had read it when it was undressed. I thought about taking it down, but then I said, Self, you need to suck it the hell up. Your worth is not defined by pageviews, comments or likes. Even if I felt a bit like I was lying to myself, because everyone needs to be validated. So I didn't take it down. And lo, my world didn't end. It was really refreshing.

As for what to do with this site, be open to it. Don't set it up for yourself so that every post is another opportunity to feel rejected. We have never talked directly, so I'm just speaking out of my bum here, but you seem to be inbetween a lot of things and looking for a very particular kind of validation. Instead of seeing your pageviews as 200 little victories in catching people's attention, you appear to look at that number as the absence of thousands. I sympathize, for sure -- I'm right there with you often enough. But I think that's the wrong way to look at it. I don't think you can set up expectations for a particular kind of success and then be disappointed when you don't meet them -- because that doesn't give credit to the people who do respond to your writing. In a way it's like you're saying they're not good enough, you need more. That's not fair to them, or to you.

I think the community unquestionably benefits from your voice. But I think you need to own your voice instead of needing the community to own it for you.

You your best thing.

I do appreciate the comments that I do get and I don't expect to just get a free ride without putting in any effort. What this post really was about is my own feelings about Bitmob being soured because it's just one more thing amongst a large pile of things in my life that just isn't really working out. I can be optimistic all I want and try hard all I want but it doesn't really look like much is going to change with how I do on the site based off of my usual patterns of work ethic and behavior.

The problem isn't that I am not getting a specific kind of success, I pretty much gave up on being particularly successful long ago. The problem is that what success I am getting isn't enough to keep me writing on the site. I can lower my expectations all I want, but that won't give me any reason to keep giving a crap and keep writing.  I have other stuff I could be working on writing wise, and more and more the last few months the time I've spent working on Bitmob posts has felt like time wasted. I don't really like that, because I like Bitmob, but it's happening and I have to decide how to react to it.

While I do appreciate the input I think that the situation is more complicated then 'taking the piss biting' or I wouldn't have written this to begin with.

Nothing is so complicated that it cannot be solved by taking the piss biting... ;)

With respect, I don't see a difference. If you have a goal in mind that will make posting worthwhile for you, you've set a bar for what you want to accomplish here. You have a metric for acceptable success. There's nothing wrong with that. I think it becomes a problem if you use that bar as a way to prove your worthlessness before you look at the worth of that bar itself.

I try to subscribe to the Dory school of thought -- just keep swimming. It's not always successful. You can stay here and keep posting, despite your concerns, or you can walk away. I think if you like participating, and you like the community, we're better off with you, and walking away means you've let your anxiety beat you. But I might be wrong. If your self esteem is in a fragile place, you need to find ways to make it stronger, and if that's not posting articles on Bitmob, so be it. But I would hope that you'd still post here, just not locate it as a primary source of self worth.

I've struggled with anxiety for a long time. My whole life I've tried to be perfect and I never quite make it. (I do take medication for the anxiety and ADD.) But one thing I realized is that it isn't other people or success that make you happy. YOU make you happy. I choose to not care what others think and just be myself. Yes, I'm moody and I have a temper and a huge lazy streak. But I work to improve myself at my own pace and to be what I want to be.

Don't give up on Bitmob because of the readers, or lack thereof. Do it because it's really what you want to do. I hope to see more from you because I enjoy what you have to say.

@Melissa I appreciate the words of encouragement but the problem is actually that because of my experiences with bitmob it's no longer really fufilling anything for me, and it was never 'really what I want to do' to begin with. It was something I enjoyed doing, for sure, but my goals never really revolved around it. So that's the real problem with deciding where I want to go forward with the site. I would like to write more stuff for the site. I just can't really justify spending the time on it as much as I would like anymore.

I find it ironic that it takes writing a piece like this to lead you to post what I think is your most clearly stated and well-written post yet. We have talked on Twitter a good bit and I have tried to help out, so I won't go too deep into it other than to say that I think you are underestimating the worth of 200, or even close to 200 hits. Sure, you could always get more, but I have worked my ass off on pieces just to see them get only a fraction more than 200 hits- and I think I am pretty well liked and respected here. At least I hope I am well liked and respected.

I am glad you wrote this because I now feel like I understand you a lot more. I am not going to beg you to keep writing here. I hope you do keep writing, and maybe trying to post on other sites might be a good change for you- I don't think I have any real way of saying what would be the 'right' thing for you to do.

I can sympathize with a lot of your problems. I do think you are being way too impatient with the site as far as their ability to make changes super-quickly. I think they are trying really hard and could not be more thankful I found this place.

On the flip side, as far as things with your interactions with people here go, I can understand why you especially would have a hard time sticking around. I personally don't think most of these situations were just community members out trying to get you as you might think, but I probably missed some interactions. I think it is a bit funny to admit that you like to stir up shit and that knowing this you still get upset when it hits the fan and gets all over you. I am just not that personality type though.

I don't think people only want positive takes on gaming either. I can 100% see you taking a Lewis Black-type writing style and just bitching about things that piss you off in games. Again, I won't act like I know what is best for you.

I have already gone on longer than I wanted to- so I will end with this. I really hope everything works out for you. I hate that things seem so tense and stressful for you. I hope you reach a place of contentment, and hope you will keep posing whatever you write on Twitter so I can keep following it.

Let us know where you decide to post next on Twitter. I'll keep reading. Just keep looking for what works for you!

Yeah I will keep people posted on twitter whenever I do something. I have stuff in planning stages other then bitmob articles that is going to be pretty big and a lot of fun, and I may cross promote it using bitmob when relevant. If I get a good idea for an article their isn't much better places to post it then here, so I'm sure i'll post on occasion. Just not sure how often that occasion would be.

Just to put things in perspective without stirring the pot:

Have you seen a group of 200 people before? Maybe at a concert, or a highschool assembly, or something similar? That's quite a crowd. I know we like to balk at low hit numbers -- especially when Grubbster pulls off a 30k -- but those aren't just hits. Those are people who took the time to read what you wrote, or at least liked it well enough to click on it before dismissing it. That means you got 200 people drinking your Kool-Aid (or at least taking a sip.) That's 200 people you may not have reached in the world otherwise. There are cults with fewer interested followers than that. 

I designed and implemented an ARG last summer for an art exhibit at my workplace. We had maybe 50 people play it, and only 12 or so actually finished it. I called it a failure. But at the capping party, when we showed off the last video to end the story, I can't tell you what the sound of 50 people clapping at my work meant to me.

Basically, don't worry too much about your hits. You always say you're writing for yourself. Keep doing it in public if you like. But every hit you do get is more than a hit. It's a sign of someone's interest in your work, and each one is worthwhile. There's a person behind each click.

Hi Jeff, as someone who's been on medication for both anxiety and depression for a good 3 years now, I can relate to some of the stuff you're feeling. But, as cliched as it sounds, the only way to feel better is to be positive and move forward, man.

It sucks that you had to go through all that bad stuff in your childhood and teenage years, but you know what the amazing part about that is? All that stuff happened and, yet, you're still here, still standing, man. That means that you still have one hell of a fight in you. I don't think the same could be said for a lot of people that go through similar painful experiences. So don't let that go to waste and keep putting that fight up.

You mention you're soon moving out. That experience is scary for everyone, but its also a chance to start again. Move to a place where you think you can do the things you want to do and be the person you want to be. You say you're current life just isn't giving you what you need to be happy, well, that's why life can change. But it's up to you, we can throw a dictionary's worth of words of encouragement at you, but if you can't believe you can change then it's not going to matter.

And what Michael pointed out is true. Picture a crowded subway line in your head, hundreds of people people reading the paper while commuting to work , two hundred of them reading your article. That's amazing, and you did that.

I used to play in a band when I was younger, we played together for 7 years. Wether we played for 5 of our friends in trashy bar or to a couple hundred show goers when opening for a bigger band, we gave it our all -- hell, I once trashed my only guitar for an audience of like 30 people. I don't regret any single one of the shows we played in those 7 years, small or big, it was the joy of playing music that kept us doing that.

Do the same with your writing.

I hope things work out, because they can.

Peace, dude.

I completely agree with what Michael wrote above; every click you get is a victory. I for one am delighted when one of my articles gets 200 hits (or even 10). Even if only one person reads your article it should be considered worthwhile -- your voice actually means something to someone, and not many people get to achieve that.

I keep writing and posting for that feeling. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be able to share something I love with so many people.

I really do appreciate everyone's thoughts and words and everyone keeping things positive. Thanks in particular to MichaeI, as I know with our differances in the past that it would have been easy to just write what I was saying off as more of my idiocy, but you really did have a very relevant and helpful perspective on it.

I do apologise if my chafing angst seems irrational or self centered to all of ya. I really just am trying to find a mentality and situation to work with going forward that can overcome my own self judgement.

I've gotten so used to half victories, false starts, justifying myself, and worrying about things that I've really just hit a wall with how much I can retain confidence in myself and my goals.

I do appreciate the people that do like my writing. I really do. I just am not in a position to really see evidence of that sort of thing for myself. It's really easy to just assume you aren't doing anything right and aren't making an impact a lot of the time. I only chafe over the silence because I want to know what it is I'm doing and what people think of it because I want to know where I should focus and how I should do it better. More of that worrywart personality. I can't just keep doing what I'm doing I'm always worried about the next step *chuckle*.

I really am just trying to take it a step at a time right now and wait until all the big changes in my life run their course. Then I'll be able to take a step back and decide what it is I can change and what it is I need to improve from my own fresh perspective. For now I'm just too burned out and on edge to really commit to any of my ideas. I don't imagine completely abandoning Bitmob anywhere in the near future. It's just hard to tell what i'm going to do with it until I get there.