Have you perfected all the cases in L.A. Noire yet? I hope you haven’t because this week’s releases doesn’t exactly have anything to fill that bottomless video gaming hole of yours unless you don’t mind playing fighting games on a handheld. Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Remember. Release dates are quite literally made at the whims of the publisher.  The following are subject to change without any warning.

Releases To Watch For This Week

Dead or Alive Dimensions (3DS)

Tuesday May 24, 2011
The ultimate jiggly-boob fighter returns! In 3-D! Now Kasumi’s boobs will not only be bouncing up, down, and sideways but inwards and outwards as well. Just as real boobs should.

This 3D fighter series may have gotten a little too obsessed with the breast physics of the female fighters, but beyond that, I hear Dead or Alive isn’t half bad of a fighting game. Dead or Alive Dimensions comes packed with 25 characters including Ayane, Tina, Hitomi, Christie, and Helena. Oh right, the male characters show up too. Not that I know any of them other than Ninja Gaiden veteran, Ryu Hayabusha. The roster sort of includes new characters. Sort of. Four of these characters have appeared in past Dead or Alive games as bosses. Now you get to experience their power first hand. Following the footsteps of fighting games of the current era, Dimensions does have an online mode where you will be able to fight other players over the Internet. At least you won’t have to rely on your friends getting the game alongside you just so you have another human being to play against.

Like every fighting game out there, Dimensions include a single player mode, but either the developers looked into the future where Mortal Kombat was released or they somehow read into the minds of Mortal Kombat developers because Dimensions single player mode, called Chronicle mode, plays a lot like Mortal Kombat’s single player. You play out one storyline and constantly switch characters depending on which character the story decides to focus on at the time. Given how well received Mortal Kombat’s story mode is, Dimensions already has one big positive on their side.

Speaking of cribbing off of other fighting games, Dimensions’ Street Pass mode works a lot like Super Street Fighter 4 3D Edition’s right down to the use of figurines. Like SSF43D, the 3DS will actively look for other 3DSes with a Dimensions save file to engage in combat. Winning these gets you more figurines. Collect them all! Dimensions’ similarity doesn’t end there either. The touch screen is also used as a shortcut button, but Dimensions takes it one step further and just includes the entire combo list of your character. From the looks of it though, looking for the combo you want to execute could cost you the match since the list has to be scrolled up or down to find your combo of choice.

The last Dead or Alive game came out well over 5 years ago, but with all the recent release of fighting games like Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 and the 2 other fighting games I just mentioned, we seem to be in a sort of fighting game renaissance right now. Dead of Alive Dimensions appears to be arriving at exactly the right time for it to make the biggest splash.

Coming This Week

Tuesday May 24, 2011

Dirt 3 (Xbox 360, PS3)

Poor rally racing. Around here, you’re as popular as extreme ironing (Look it up). Personally, I can see why rally racing has its fans. The inherent purity of racing against the clock with only the terrain as your opponent sounds much more appealing that turning left 3 billion times not knowing if the idiot racer behind you might t-bone you or something. The Dirt series delivers the rally experience extremely well in the past. I can’t see any reason why this one won’t either.

Kung Fu Panda 2 (Xbox 360 Kinect, PS3, Wii uDraw, DS)

Well this is bizarre. The PS3 and DS game doesn’t have anything surprising beyond the usual 3D beat’em up that most license games are. The 360 and Wii version, especially the Wii version, however seems to have gone against the current and require the use of an additional peripheral, Microsoft’s Kinect and THQ’s own uDraw tablet, thereby limiting its potential market. As you can guess the Kinect version has you flailing your arms “Kung Fu style” to have Po beat up onscreen baddies. The uDraw version has you playing what is ostensibly a console game like you would a DS game using the uDraw’s stylus. Whatever sells your uDraw tablet peripheral, THQ.

Naughty Bear: Gold Edition (Xbox 360, PS3)

Missed out on last year’s Naughty Bear’s DLCs? Fear no more my fellow Internetless gamer. 505 Games has you in mind and release the Gold Edition of Naughty Bear jam packed with all the DLCs that you missed. Isn’t 505 games nice?

Top Gun Hybrid (PS3)

Did you know a Top Gun game came out for PSN last year? If you didn’t and you’d think it’d be awesome, well this games will blow your mind. In addition to getting that PSN game, you get the movie as well! Christmas has just arrived for you.

Emily the Strange: Strangerous (DS)

Oh oh! Everyone’s favorite 13-year old Goth kid just woke up to find her 4 kittens missing. Now you’ll have to guide Emily through a series of puzzles in Emily’s uniquely black, white, and red world to get them back. Do you have the guts to find them? Prove it.

Duke Nukem: Critical Mass (DS)

Yes, THAT Duke Nukem. This 2D platformer will be part of Deep Silvers planned trilogy. This one has Duke being sent to a messed up future that he’s got to clean up. Duke returns to the present in the second one to try and clean up the mess there. It didn’t go so well given how the third one will have Duke sent to the pass. In case you were wondering, Deep Silver planned this release well over 2 years ago, which is still leagues better than 3D realms ever did.

Paws and Claws: Pampered Pets 2 (DS)

Because nothing tells your pets that they’re being pampered like a diamond collar or a vacation on a beach resort, this iteration of Paws and Claws will have you doing everything, short of starting a cult to worship them, to make them comfy. These include, but not limited to, bathing them, grooming them, chewing their food for them before spitting it straight into their mouths, and reaching into their asses to pull out their crap. Pets these days. They think they own the world.

ThinkSMART Labyrinth (DS)

Continuing the DS’s puzzling affinity for ports of PC games that range from eight bucks to free, this old board game can be played on Ravensburger’s website for free. Admitedly, this challenging, fun board game might actually be worth the money you paid for it, but just thinking about the free version found online kinda takes the wind out of any desire you might have in buying it.

Late to the Party

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Is it wrong to want Dead or Alive Dimensions but not SSF43D? I’ve never been all that good at 2D fighters given how I kinda prefer sidestepping attacks rather than jumping and spamming fireballs. And no the freely bouncing breast has absolutely nothing to do with this choice. How about you guys? Anyone up for a fulfilling every needs and whims of a digital pet?

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