Editor's note: Tired of the towering giant that is EA's Madden franchise? Check out Andrew's humorous suggestions for some authentic, pigskin replacements. -James

By locking up the exclusive rights to the NFL, EA's Madden series has absolutely crushed the football-video-game competition. While Take Two's All-Pro Football was a valiant attempt to put a dent in Madden's marketshare, the effort fell short in a quixotic sort of way -- its reviews and sales were less than impressive.

So how do you fight the juggernaut of sports-game franchises? Developers take note: I have some impressive suggestions. And if you do take them, my legal team will be in touch; I'm sure we can come to an amicable resolution.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football: The Fighting Irish Video Game of Fighting Irish

No collegiate football program is as storied as Notre Dame's. While its luster has dulled in recent years, the name holds incredible cache among Catholics, people who pretend to be Irish, those who wish they had a college education, and those who aren't aware that Notre Dame actually makes its home in Indiana.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football will feature only one playable team: Notre Dame. And instead of their usual opponents, they will play against famous teams like the '72 Dolphins, the '85 Bears, the '27 Yankees, the '83-'84 Boston Celtics, and the '02 gold-medal-winning Olympic Hockey team, Team Canada.

The title will include mini-games like Kick Charlie Weis in the Nuts; Masturbating to Photos of Rocket Ismail; and Convincing Everyone That We Should Be Ranked When It's Obvious We Shouldn't Be and If We Are, Then We Should Be Ranked Higher. The game will appeal to all Notre Dame fans, which theoretically, should be everyone -- unless they went to a shitty school in Michigan.

CFL: The Game

With this current generation of consoles, we finally have the computational power to simulate the Canadian Football League. Canadian footbal features a wider field that is 10 yards longer: The PlayStation 3 just might be able to handle the game -- although adding a few more cells to the processor would certainly help. The game includes players who have been suspended from the NFL, the random chance that an Ottawa franchise will play in any given year, John Candy, the new Expand into the US But Fail Miserably Mode, and apathy. A quote from former Toronto Argonaut Rickie Williams best sums up the experience: "I come to work, I go home, play with my kid, walk to the store." I smell a box quote!

Underwater Football

A popular weekend-warrior activity --  especially within the scuba diving community -- underwater football is kind of like Final Fantasy 10's Blitzball. Replace futuristic, emo hermaphrodites with overweight, balding middle age men in swim trunks that are just slightly too small, and you get the picture. Unlike water polo, the ball sinks, so the possibility of drowning increases hundredfold. The possibility of death makes this the most intense sport that can be played in a swimming pool. Yeah, I said it, water polo. Unique game mechanics will include stealing fins, clogging snorkels, and thinly veiled homoerotic behavior -- just like Blitzball.

Plaxico Buress Strip Club Football Invitational

Featuring arenas that are strip clubs, the game boils down to who can hide guns in their sweatpants without shooting themselves in the leg. Did I mention there were strip clubs?

The League of National Football

In this entirely new and fictitious league, the user will play with incredibly lifelike players that have no real-life counter parts and completely made-up teams from cities that may or may not exist.  This new brand of football features four downs, running and passing plays, field goals, and touchdowns. Available teams include the Philadelphia Bald Eagles, the Dallas Boys of the Cow, the Pittsburgh Steel Makers, the New Orleans Individuals of Exceptional Holiness, and the New York Larger than Normal (Gigantic) People. Get ready to jump into the shoes of absolutely non-existent people such as Brew Drees, Ile Mannen, and Tom Brady and participant in 100% Independent Property action!