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News Blips:

Skyrim will fit on a single Xbox 360 DVD…the Sony Defense Force retreats and regroups. Frightening news, my fellow SDFers! Apparently, the enemy is addressing its primary weakness: Changing discs. As you all well know, standing up from the couch to take a disc out and replace it with another is the least dignified thing a human can do. For months now, we’ve been planning an invasion of the Microsoft scum’s message boards to point and laugh about Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim -- which our leadership naturally assumed would require 40 to 50 Xbox 360 DVDs. Today we’ve learned that Bill Gates’ dark magic has discovered a means to compress all of this anticipated game onto a single disc. Do not let this destroy your fighting spirit, my brothers. We’re still holding out hope for screenshot-comparison articles to reveal the true superiority of the third holy PlayStation. And, of course, the final coming of our messiah: Uncharted 3.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 will feature full Steamworks compatibility and dedicated servers on PC. Infinity Ward is looking to win over the PC faithful after the omission of dedicated servers in Modern Warfare 2 spawned online petitions. Steamworks will allow the developer to auto-update its first-person shooter while providing users with cloud saving and achievements. Can’t wait to unlock the “Hey, this the first time an online petition has ever changed anything” achievement when I log on to a dedicated server for the first time.

A God of War: Origins Collection demo is coming soon. The 1080p, 3D remakes of the PSP God of War games sound good in theory, but theories are just the devil’s way of making you doubt your faith! I need concrete proof. Well, have you heard the good news? Sony worked hard for your sins, and will release a demo to the PlayStation Network as a testament to the wonders of God of War. PlayStation Plus members can hear the word of Kratos August 30; the rest of you heathens will have to wait until September 6 before the demo can save your soul.

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