Remember when you were a kid in the game store? Ah yes, the rows and rows of games just waiting to be snatched up. Those blissful times when I didn't even realise I could purchase an excellent game with that exact amount of money but then I opt for an even worse game for a higher price. Those times when I went in for one thing and came out with the opposite and didn't regret it ever again.

So I open up steam to purchase the Toy Soldiers port from the Xbox 360 as I loved that game on console. I'm about to open up the store page when something catches my gaze. A seemingly archaic front cover of some strange game called "Noitu Love 2 Devolution". It really does look like a throwback to older title screens I'd seen before and my curiosity got the better of me. I find myself in a strange land filled with a side scrolling green ninja fighting a giant, bald, red robot dropping little orange buggers everywhere on the screen. A familiar score meter on the top right, a time limit in the middle and a striped energy bar on the left hand side. And of course, the boss health bar that takes up the bottom of the screen filled with yellow.

It's so beautiful....

Yeah, does it sound familiar? I hope it does. This game is probably as retro as you can get. It looks oddly like a re-skinned version of Streets of Rage with giant robots. Skipping through the screenshots I notice a tanned captian with a spiky white beard riding a massive boat with monster truck wheels, a cannon on the top and an alluring stick figure of a woman with large bresticles. Now that I'd seen how wacky it is I have to admit I was a little excited to play this badboy. It costs £4 and is about 30mb large. There's also a free demo. Should I take the plunge and have everything a surprise the first time I jump in, or shall I use my money effectively and only purchase it if I know I'm going to enjoy it. Fuck common sense, I bought that sucker alongside Toy Soldiers!

This game... has no built-in audio or video settings. No settings. Whatsoever. WHAT THE HELL!? It's 20 bloody 12. Where are my fullscreen/borderless window modes? Where is the volume slider? Why aren't they there? Sure, there's an outside client to configure THREE settings. Wha-w-w... I payed money for this?!


Okay before I suddenly discovered my hidden arrhythmia and had a heart attack I pressed on. The menu screen is bare with the options: Start Game, Extras and Tutorial. Nothing amazing. The extras menu is just as barren as the settings menu, by the way.

Noitu Love 2's plot characters. Don't worry, you'll forget them soon enough

Created by Jaokim 'Konjak' Sandberg, Noitu Love 2 takes place in the utopian earth of 2288 where time itself seems to collapsing, merging different areas of time back into the world and It's up to you, Xoda Rap of some... organisation to stop this from happening. The story mostly washed over my head as It's just the most blatant of excuses to put a mishmash of out of place environments into a 2D side-scrolling environment. Then again, since when did Mario's story have a lot of exposition?


 If you're used to playing these kind of games with a pad and two buttons then Noitu Love 2 might be a pleasant surprise. It controls entirely with mouse and keyboard, smoothly integrating them both into the gameplay. You move with the WASD keys whilst all your attacks are targeted with the mouse cursor. Charge up the left mouse button for a fireball attack or hover over a hostile and left click it to dash towards the cursor. I know it sounds really odd but trust me, It works. The combat system in this game is insane. It flows so smoothly and fluidly which is a good thing, considering games like this revolve around the ability to, well, beat-em'-up. Dash to an enemy and cut it down, double tap the left key to dash to the one that just came off screen and slice him up. Rinse and repeat only in 3 other directions. It's really quite refreshing and I would encourage other developers to dabble in these odd styles of combat. It really kept me on my toes through the entire game.


It helps that the level designs are also equally as crazy. An inaccessible mini boss  bombards the screen with rocks whilst you attempt to dodge out of the way, dashing to and fro whilst cutting down those bastardy bots. Scenes like this are frequent and enjoyable. They're probably the sole reason the game didn't get boring since without them the game would be more of a gallery of nicely crafted stages and frustrating enemies. Oh yeah, did I mention that even though the game is only an hour long you will die. A lot. If you're not a God, you'll be hit a tonne the first time you play this game and you will die, I can guarantee it. The game is pretty generous with health pickups and even feels the need to throw a symbol in front of the screen every time a boss starts to telegraph an attack. It helps... marginally.

I've got to say, Noitu Love 2 is a damn pretty game

Noitu Love 2 is definitely a pretty game. If you're going to be spending a long time replaying levels after getting owned, they have to at least look good, right? From Victorian era scenarios even to an elevator level this game's got it all and they're all rendered beautifully. Great shades of colours with well pixelated graphics. The backgrounds seem to be rendered in some kind of 3D/2D plain (just like the new Pokémon games) which just adds another layer to the already awesome art style. It was definitely crafted with care and love that games like this seem to ooze out of every orifice.

So at this moment after realising how well crafted the levels were, how bloody nice the game looked and how smooth the combat was I just needed a little more tipping towards justifying my purchase. Bosses to the rescue! This game LOVES bosses. Mini, minor, major, Its got em' all and they come thick and fast. Each and every boss looks completely different compared to Its predecessor and I love it as much as the game does. I'm not going to ruin a single one of them but they are wacky and they are mad tough. Hell, one of them requires you to balance on a bloody wheel going 200mph down a stream whilst fighting the boss. It's madness and definitely justified my purchase just to see what boss would rear Its ugly head up next.

I love game music. Katawa Shoujo's music makes me cry whilst Bastion's makes me want to sing along. Noitu Love 2's music makes me want to put on a Mario cap and relive my memories. It's not quite Anamanaguchi (google) grade but It's close. The chiptunes fit the stages perfectly ranging from Chinese plinky songs to heart pounding beats. Best of all, you can download the soundtrack for free @http://www.konjak.org/index.php?folder=8&file=21 and by jove is it awesome. Even if you're not interested in the game, at least download the soundtrack if you're interested in the chiptune music genre.

So to wrap up on Noitu Love 2 Devolution, It's a great 1 hour romp. The story is more forgettable than Mass Effect 3 and the aforementioned 1 hour journey really Isn't anything to call home about, but It really was good. The bosses mix the game up to a point where I'm drooling to see the next one, the combat is some of the most fluid I've seen in ages, the stages are well detailed and rendered beautifully and by God is the music good.

I don't believe in giving games scores out of 10 or 100 so I'll just say this: It's great to pass the time but you'll probably forget it not long after finishing it.