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ROUNDTABLE'D! Gaming's New Year's Resolutions

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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Ah, New Year's...an excellent opportunity to take a step back, assess the damage and humiliations racked up by a life of unmitigated sin, then figure out how to do it all again -- but better this time. And let's face it, few people need to make a life-change or two quite like a video-game character.

So as 2010 winds down, we caught up with a few gaming icons and asked how they planned to improve on disaster in 2011.



Nathan Drake

 

"I resolve to choose my friends a little better. So, Sully, Elena, and...I don't know, the Pope? What's he got going?"

 - Nathan Drake, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

 

 

 

GLaDOS

 

"I re-sOLve to uSe sCIenCe to pre-sERVe all MAn-kiNd. In wHAt, I'm nOt suRe yeT."

 - GLaDOS, Portal

 

 

 

 

Kratos

 

"I shall DESTROY the gods of Olympus! Wait...I did that. I shall DESTROY the gods of Asgard!"

- Kratos, God of War

 

 

 

 

Marcus Fenix


 

\"Control! CONTROL! WE HAVE TO RESOLVE SOMETHING! Delta out."

- Marcus Fenix, Gears of War

 

 

 

 

"A real man is always resolved! The fight for peace will lead to war!!!"

- Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid
 

 

 

 

 

Pac-Man

 

"Diet. I'm binging 15 monsters in a row now, and those things are like big bags of cholesterol. I'm gonna effin' die here, man!"

- Pac-Man, Pac-Man

 

 

 



"Only death awaits you all, and your spirit energy will live again as a part of me. I must also call my parents more often."

- Sephiroth, Final Fantasy 7

 

 

 


Lara Croft

 

"I resolve not to shoot more endangered or extinct species unless they're honestly between me and some lovely piece of treasure."

- Lara Croft, Tomb Raider

 

 


 

Duke Nukem

 

 

"I resolve to solve any puzzles with a rocket launcher. Then I'll give your mom her first orgasm."

- Duke Nukem, Duke Nukem

 

 

 

The Heavy
 

 

"I resolve to shoot many bullet at leetle funny man. Let him think that is being funny when he is dead already! HAW HAW HAW HAW!"

- The Heavy, Team Fortress 2

 

 

 

Master Chief


 

 

"I resolve to be in the next Halo game."

- Master Chief, Halo: Combat Evolved
 

 
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Comments (7)
Shoe_headshot_-_square
December 30, 2010

Hilarious stuff. The Solid Snake one is a beaut!

167586_10100384558299005_12462218_61862628_780210_n
December 30, 2010

"I resolve to determine whether or not a guard is actually corrupt before I stab him in the neck and throw him off of a roof."

-Ezio Auditore da Firenze

Me04
December 30, 2010

Holy crap,  the Duke Nukem one is awesome (I like mom jokes more than I should)! Thank you for this.

Edit:

"To cover more wars."
- Frank West, Dead Rising.

Shoe_headshot_-_square
December 30, 2010

Yes, the Duke one is brilliant, too. Love it! :)

167586_10100384558299005_12462218_61862628_780210_n
December 30, 2010

I'd swear that the Gears resolution is an actual line of dialogue.

Default_picture
December 31, 2010

"To acquire more donations in my shrine, even if it means badgering youkai for them."                                                                                                                                                         -Reimu Hakurei, Touhou Project

"I'm going to troll the council more. More specifically the turian counselor. "                                                                                                                             -Gregory Shepherd, Mass Effect

"I'm gonna get more capitalism!"                                                                                  -Recette Lemongrass, Recettear

"I think I'll find clues as to what the hell was going on in the story and why I'm in this modern world."                                                                                             -Will, Illusion of Gaia

"We'll be using the face-tracking technology for our new games!"                               -Bioware(hopefully)

"I want to RIP AND TEAR MORE GUTS!"                                                                            -DoomGuy, Doom

"I'll also think about watching Oprah's new channel on cable."                                -Duke Nukem(Yes, it's canon if you played the pre-3D games.)

Img_0020
December 31, 2010

I like that you chose that eerie picture for pac man. As for his resolution, he is definitely NOT having a good start from the amount of ghosts he's eating in Pac Man CE DX.

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