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Want Your Article Publicly Critiqued?
Dan__shoe__hsu_-_square
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Tags: bitmob

At least one of you out there asked for some tough love...so here goes!

Bitmob community member Allistair Everett recently offered up some suggestions for our site, including having the editors help users more with their writing. We only have so much manwidth here -- we're working hard just keeping up with editing and vetting community stories for the front page. We do have a few submission guidelines (whose link you can always find at the footer of every page on Bitmob.com), and we do put out additional writing tips here and there.

But if you're up for some public flogging, let's do this for some fun/pain.

If you'd like a staff editor to critique, criticize, edit, and vet a Bitmob article of yours, include a link in the comments below along with a short plea for why we should pick your story. We'll choose one and go through it and analyze it line by line, in detail, for everyone to see in a future post -- and we'll invite the community to chime in as well with their constructive criticism.

Now, don't write a story specifically as bait for this project (don't put in intentional traps, please -- that isn't what this is about), and don't pick one we've already vetted and promoted to the front page (those that have "editor's notes" attached to them).

Remember: This is not a private edit, so if you don't want your work picked apart by the masses, don't offer up your link! The deadline for this is by end of day, Tuesday, January 12.

 
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Comments (42)
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
I would like my Modern Warfare 2 review critiqued please.I really want to be a games journalist and writing reviews is a major part.I want to know what I am doing wrong in my reviews and how I can improve them.
http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/codmodern-warfare-2-a-review.html
36752_1519184584690_1386800604_1423744_1678461_n
January 04, 2010
Can we do reviews? If so, I volunteer either my ACII review: http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/assassins-creed-ii-one-bloody-renaissance.html
or my Brutal Legend Review: http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/bruetal-legend-dishonesty-may-be-the-best-policy.html
because I feel like these two reviews are in need of critique the most, and could serve as a way to instruct people on how to review a game (not in a of "You need to talk about the sound!" but more of a "you didn't mention why you didn't like the fighting")
59583_467229896345_615671345_7027350_950079_n
January 04, 2010
This is a great idea. If I had more articles written, I'd definitely submit one. Instead, I'll be incredibly curious to see exactly what you guys want in terms of content and form. I think all of us could benefit from that.
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
I would greatly appreciate a detailed critique of my Rogue Warrior article for 2 reasons:

1) No one read it.

2) Demain sent me an email many months ago, outlining why I'm a terrible writer. I'd like to see if I've improved. ;D
http://www.bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/rogue-warrior-making-other-games-shine.html
Dan__shoe__hsu_-_square
January 04, 2010
You guys make sure your links are showing up properly! Please use the "URL" button in the comments to make it easier for us to click on them.

Suriel, Ultan: If you want to repost your comments, I can delete your old ones.
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
Whoops, thanks Shoe!!

I would like my Modern Warfare 2 review critiqued please.I really want to be a games journalist and writing reviews is a major part.I want to know what I am doing wrong in my reviews and how I can improve them.

http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/codmodern-warfare-2-a-review.html
Chas_profile
January 04, 2010
For some reason, the write new entry box is always blank for me. I sent an email about this last week, but I never received a response. Anybody have any idea what the problem might be?
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
I feel guilty for opening this can of worms on the Bitmob staff; although, I did mention that Bitmob should encourage users to help other users as well. and...and....damn American Apparel models keep distracting me.

I put a lot of time and energy into this post:http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/more-broken-more-crazy-more-awesome.html

I'd like to know what I could have improved on. It was difficult to write since it's mostly discussing abstract concepts that hard to articulate.

Consider me James Bond, my article my nuts, and your critic your whip. Go easy on me, Shoe.
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
I volunteer my article for criticism. it was my "attempt" at humour. don't hold back!

http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/the-blue-man-conspiracy.html
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
Please critique my Rogue Warrior article for the following reasons:
1) No one read it.
2) Demain sent me an email many months ago outlining why I'm a terrible writer. I'd like to know if I've improved.

http://www.bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/rogue-warrior-making-other-games-shine.html
Dan__shoe__hsu_-_square
January 04, 2010
Chas: I suspect you're encountering the same thing that's frustrating all our users: the MyBlog blog editing software takes FOREVER to load. Seriously, turn it on, and wait at least a minute or two. It takes that long.

The problem is, this software was never designed for how many stories/posts/users we've gotten so far, and it's trying to preload all these tags -- taking forever to do so. It was our cheap solution in the beginning, but we'll have something better really soon.

For now, just hit "write new entry" and let it sit. It should eventually load. Sorry about that! A better solution is coming soon!
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
Bitmob protip: Installing Adobe Flash is a must. My computer froze up like I was playing Crysis when I used the Bitmob editor, until I installed Flash (new computer). You still have that long initial load time, but this is essential if you are having problems using your browser once it's loaded. I actually spent an hour making a post that should have taken me 10 minutes.
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
This is an awesome idea. I've been playing around with a few article ideas lately, one of which I might around to tonight. I'll be sure to put in the vote to send it to the dogs. :)
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
You should think about charging a fee for this service. I believe it would cut down on the quality of articles being submitted to you guys for your constructive criticism.

Plus, this seems like you guys are going beyond the call of duty for your readers and should be rewarded for it.

Thanks for your time, Mr Hsu!
-Moose
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
Here is one for you guys:
http://www.bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/a-difficult-problem.html
I really thought that this was good, but no one read it.
Thanks for your help!
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/welcome-to-rapture-my-opinion-of-bioshock-.html

Thanks I thought this was a decent article but I feel like looking back I used too many be verbs. A little constructive criticism would be much appreciated.
Dan__shoe__hsu_-_square
January 04, 2010
I like what Mauricio suggested. $100 via PayPal, please! ;)
Mikeminotti-biopic
January 04, 2010
I would not have been brave enough for this. I don't need everyone to know my struggles with double spacing and the semicolon.
Default_picture
January 04, 2010
I know youre just joking Hsu but i really mean it.

Besides, who knows, in the really long run, i wouldnt mind having a degree at The Hsu/Bitmob Video Game Liberal Arts University.
Dan__shoe__hsu_-_square
January 04, 2010
Haha, well, thanks. Some users do send us donations to keep us going (link is in the footer), but this is part of the Bitmob experience, so we'll try to help however we can.
Demian_-_bitmobbio
January 05, 2010
Speaking of, I'm editing this post right now and saving as I go, refresh to watch it change...I figure Allistair won't mind. http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/great-games-you-might-have-missed.html
Default_picture
January 05, 2010
I certainly don't! Thanks, Demian! Honestly, I posted that as a half-assed attempt to start posting regularly again on the site. Somehow it has by far the most hits of any of my posts, despite a few comments and no main page highlight. Very odd to say the least. Definitely feels like a positive thing that a post outside the mainfeed can attract as much attention (or more, in my case) as other posts that get cherry picked from the same user.

On the other hand, it makes for an awful incentive to spam the site with "BEST EVER" and other dumb lists. What's next a top 5 things Bitmob should do list, pfhhhhhhh!
Default_picture
January 05, 2010
I feel bad to outright beg for a comment, but since you asked, I'll join the queue. Please consider my article titled "Talking Control" posted at this link right here.

Also, please don't alter my post without my consent. I am more than willing to hear your expertise, but I would much rather affect the changes myself after the fact. If you post a new blog with edits to my work, however, then it's completely okay!
Default_picture
January 05, 2010
Ignore last comment...
cant make my link work so I guess I am a noob...
Dan__shoe__hsu_-_square
January 05, 2010
Allstair: You can't fight what Internet readers like to click on. :)

Spencer: You know that, if we ever pick your story for front-page promotion, that we will edit it, right? Just warning you. :)

Brandon: Write a new post with that link, click on the little "URL" planet-looking button in the row right above the window you're typing in...put the link within those tags. Your link will show up!
Default_picture
January 05, 2010
I personally think everything I write seems to be worth a "meh" after a read-over, but it's worth a shot. Also, don't let Aaron Thomas read the link. lol

http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/uncharted-2-among-theives-playstation-3-review.html
Andrewh
January 05, 2010
I take my floggings in private, thank you very much. I'm not too concerned with the nitty gritty of writing, although I am sure I can improve. But I pick it up as I go. For instance, now I know the difference between em and en dashes, and I try to use them appropriately. Too much at one time will overload my brain and I will never be able to write again!

But I am interested in idea vs. execution, so I am going to take one of my articles that stayed in the mobfeed but got about 5 times as many hits as my usual mobfeed articles:
http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/The-Swedish-Chef-Tips-and-Tricks-Getting-You-Through-Your-Games-One-Bork-at-a-Time.html

Again, light on copy, and it is more conceptual than anything, and I would like to hear what the editors think, especially where it uses and abuses copyrighted work.
Eyargh
January 05, 2010
Oh, dang! I can't pass up this opportunity. Critique the shit out of this shit, please. It's the whole reason I wrote it:

Sword of the Berserk Review
Default_picture
January 05, 2010
I choose this article (http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/blog-posts-from-liberty-city.html) because it's my most recent, but far from my best. I think you should review it because I'm only 15 and as you know children are the future. Salvage games journalism by molding me into the perfect writer.
Jason_wilson
January 06, 2010
@Reed Tip No. 1: Perfection does not exist.
Default_picture
January 06, 2010
Wow, this is an amazing idea. I'm constantly annoying people like John Davison, Taelur Kim, David Ellis and Jeff Cannata etc with links to my articles, trying to get some criticism. I love the sense of satisfaction I get when I feel I've written a good article, but... Well, I'm not convinced it happens very often!

I'd particularly like it if you could take a look through my latest review of Uncharted 2 http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/uncharted-2-among-thieves-ps3.html, as I'm trying to figure out the style of writing I need to be using. The whole stream of consciousness idea seems to work for me, but if it's not good, then I'd like to know!

The other I'd like an in-depth look at is this look at the recent Modern Warfare 2 airport level controversy. I looked at an article for the Gamepro website, and wrote a gut-feeling response. It happens to be in quite a different style (at least, in my opinion) to the review, and whilst I did get positive comments, I wasn't convinced!

Even if they don't get chosen, thanks for the oppurtunity!
Default_picture
January 06, 2010
Oh damnit, I just realised I forgot to include a link to the MW2 article! http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/modern-warfare-2-the-airport-scene.html
Default_picture
January 07, 2010
Heres my entery in the Gamepro contest. Doubt I'll win but second prize would be getting publicly torn apart but the masses (oh wait). http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/not-gonna-last-or-how-nintendo-is-hurting-themselves-.html
Default_picture
January 07, 2010
Ugh, I already know what's wrong with my articles; THE WALL OF TEXT!!! :S I think what I wrote today is probably the shortest article I've ever written here...

Anyway, I'm more of an opinion writer, so... plus, I've been busy doing other stuff, so I can't be as consistant as I would like. I have a notebook loaded with stuff I was going to write last year. XD
Nick_hair
January 07, 2010
I think you should critique my piece about Dance Dance Revolution because people should know that the series still exists.

http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/working-out-the-dance-dance-way.html
Franksmall
January 08, 2010
http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/every-game-i-played-in-2009-reviewed.html

I would love some help making this piece as epic as it should be, and will accept a public flogging to get the help! Awesome idea!
Default_picture
January 08, 2010
http://www.bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/achievement-unlocked-breaking-multiplayer.html

I feel like my mechanics are good, but is my writing interesting? I would just like to improve my writing, and I enjoy having my work evaluated.
Default_picture
January 10, 2010
http://bitmob.com/index.php/mobfeed/game-of-the-month.html

I think this would be a great example, since it is a short read but raises an interesting topic of discussion.
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