Sometimes I wonder if discussion about video games will end the world. If I think too hard about the subject, the prospects move from “probable” to “inevitable.”

Much like ice-nine (a room-temperature solid form of ice that forces any other water molecules it touches into a solid state) can destroy all of life on earth in a matter of days, I can picture an off-hand comment about a video game on an Internet message board causing such conflict that ends, by snowball effect, in global thermo-nuclear war. Humanity (and the discussion of video games undertaking thereby) is just that stupid.

Which is kind of the point of Kurt Vonnegut’s classic science-fiction/religious satire Cat’s Cradle, published in 1963. In that book’s fictional religion of Bokonism, a variety of terms were introduced in an effort to describe humankind’s journey through life. With a little help from the definitions provided by the generous volunteer writers and editors of Wikipedia, these terms help shed light on our own video-game-based culture.

Granfalloon - A group of people who imagine they have a connection that does not really exist.

For example: video-game culture. We don’t have any true connection other than a similar interest in one form of popular culture. Even so, that is tenuous at best. For example, I enjoy pinball simulations. Bitmob editors Rob Savillo and Jay Henningsen express latent masochistic desires via articles about Dark Souls. Where’s the connection?

Karass - A group of people who, often unknowingly, are working together to do God's will.
Subsets within video-game culture combine to form these groups: protesters of digial rights management (DRM), Nintendo fanboys, your crappy Halo: Reach clan, all the people who sweated on booth babes while their photo was being taken, etc.

 

Duprass - A karass of only two people who almost always die within a week of each other.

You can find lots of examples of this form of karass: Bioware’s Ray Muzyka and Greg Zeschuk, Bitmob’s Dan Hsu and Press Pause’s Carlos Rodela (much to Demian Linn’s chagrin), Gabe Newell and a cheeseburger, the list goes on and on. While many cite Nintendo’s Reggie Fils-Aime and kicking ass as a duprass, technically this is a karass -- multiple asses are being kicked, as opposed to a singular concept of ass. It’s an important distinction.

 

 

Wampeter - The central point of a karass.
Examples of this are easily found in the above examples: DRM protestors' wampeter is creating pointless online petitions and review-bombing Amazon listings, while Gabe Newell and his cheeseburger are dedicated towards eating said cheeseburger.

Foma - Harmless untruths.

Video-game culture is nothing but the world’s largest collection of foma: video games have stories, video games are art, Bobby Kotick cares about you, Duke Nukem Forever actually existed and was released. All untrue, all harmless.

Wrang-wrang - Someone who steers a Bokononist away from their line of perception.

Video games have a very specific type of wrang-wrang: any game reviewer ever. How dare they rate this game I have as-of-yet-not-played lower than the arbitrary number that will describe my future of enjoyment of the game!

Kan-kan - An object or item that brings a person into their karass.

This can be described as, in most instances, fun. Wasting your time having fun with video games is probably going to put you in any karass. Unless you join the protesters of DRM, in which case your kan-kan is your future plans to pirate a specific game.

Sinookas - The intertwining "tendrils" of people's lives.

This is mostly our friends lists, social networks, and in the case of Nintendo, nothing at all. Not to be confused with Snooki, which intertwines your tendrils with hers.

Vin-dit - A sudden shove in the direction of Bokononism.
For video games, a sudden shove in the direction of our culture usually involves a life change that frees up the much-needed time for the hobby: matriculating at a university, getting laid off from an Activision studio, or having an office job with access to Kongregate.

Stuppa - A fogbound child (i.e. an idiot).
In video-game culture, you could point to many, many examples, but in most cases, just Bobby Kotick.

Duffle - The destiny of thousands of people placed on one "stuppa."
By extension, subscribers to Call of Duty Elite.

Sin-wat - A person who wants all of somebody's love for themself.
Great examples are Eat Sleep Play's David Jaffe or Silicon Knights' Denis Dyack. One should be careful not to confuse Microsoft Game Studios' Peter Molyneux as a sin-wat. He simply receives everybody’s love due to his irresistible British charm.

 

 

Pool-pah - Shit storm, but also, in some contexts, wrath of God.

Not unlike giving Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception an 8 out of 10.

Busy, busy, busy - Words Bokononists whisper when they think about how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.
Video-game players have their own form of “busy, busy, busy” slightly modified to categorized any phenomenon into a black or white dichotomy: “epic” and “fail”.

Zah-mah-ki-bo - Inevitable destiny.
Not unlike a red-ringed Xbox 360. Other examples include: Holiday sales, the next Halo game, the next six Call of Duty games, and sexist comments whenever the very concept of “woman” is invoked, to name just a scant few.