Editor's note: Heading to PAX East? Matt's tips will help you blend in with the locals and avoid the Mass-holes. But if you opt to wear a Yankees hat, all bets are off. -Demian

Going to PAX East in a couple of months? Only familiar with Boston from reading Dennis Lehane or watching The Departed? Considering parking in Harvard Yard? If you've said yes to any of the following, this guide is for you. Boston is a great city; home to many colorful people of all walks of life. Yet I can understand the apprehensions people might feel about wandering around unfamiliar ground. Indulge, then, in the wisdom of a seasoned Mass-hole.

Many see us as a bunch of foul-mouthed, Red-Sox-loving liberals who jaywalk at any opportunity. This is obviously not the case with every citizen (except for the jaywalking). Like any other city in the nation, the gamut of cultures is wide and vast. That said, be prepared to brush off a few snide remarks or comments from some of the locals. Keep in mind this doesn't reflect on the whole state. It just means you came across a regular asshole.

Beyond that, here are a few tips and faux pas to consider:

Sports

We don't care about the team you root for. If it's not the Sox, Pats, Celts, or Bruins, then it's best to keep that little detail to yourself. My best advice is to leave all the sports memorabilia at home, especially if it features the Yankees, Rays, Colts, New York Giants, Jets, Ravens, Lakers, or the Montreal Canadians. The Cubs are the exception to this rule, since we at one time understood what it meant to be cursed, lovable losers. Let's be honest here, you are not coming to make idle chitchat about why Joe DiMaggio is a better hitter than Ted Williams. If, for some crazy reason, however, you just have to bring that Yankees cap to make a statement, don't say no one warned you. I promise to be on my best behavior; I can't say the same for every other Mass-hole.

Don't worry. You won't get in a fight if you're not looking for one.

Accent

Yes, a fair amount of people do like to drag on their As at the expense of their Rs. This doesn't include everyone in town, and it's almost nonexistent the further west you travel. The accent is more of a Southie thing, and even there it's dying out. As long as you remember to keep the Good Will Hunting quotes to a minimum, you'll do fine. Most of us can take a joke, but I wouldn't recommend asking the waiter, “How's tha chowda today?” unless you enjoy spit soup.

Still, it is funny.

Food

Speaking of chowder, I hope you enjoy yours with a milky base, because you'll be hard-pressed to find any tomatoes in it outside of New Bedford. If you're a fan of seafood then Boston will be heaven on earth. From haddock to halibut, scallops to lobster, New England has it all, and usually at a reasonable price compared to landlocked areas.

A note on lobster: Most of it here is from Maine. There is no season for Maine lobster, unless you get soft-shelled (which is more of a summer treat). On average, expect to pay $4-5 per pound. I recommend getting it lazy style if you're jonesing to have some, but if you want the satisfaction of cracking open your own, never go higher than 2½ pounds. The meat is tougher and not as rich in flavor. If someone has told you otherwise they are wrong. I generally respect differing opinions, but not when it comes to lobster.

Drinks

So you're up early and ready to get to the convention hall. Only one problem -- the hotel room is out of coffee! Don't panic, just head outside and look to the left or right. Chances are you'll see a Dunkin' Donuts nearby. I'm not exaggerating; they are everywhere in Massachusetts. It's common to find half a dozen on the same street, and really that's a good thing if you're in need of quick caffeine boost. No need to worry about drink sizes in another language or how frothy you want the cream -- this is cheap java and tastes better than what you find at the gas station. Just don't freak out if someone orders it on ice.

If you're craving something of the alcoholic variety and have a thing for beer, don't settle on Pissweiser or NastyIce -- go with the local flavor. Sam Adams is the given choice, but there are many more to quench your thirst. Want something bitter? Go with Harpoon IPA. Want the most alcohol for your buck? Try the Long Trail Double Bag. Need something crazy? Guzzle down a nice Wachusett Blueberry. Personally, I always recommend Magic Hat #9 with a nice cape codder on the side. Just remember the lime garnish.

If you find this gem better snag one. Old man
Lucas just put a cease and desist on this Trooper.

Weather

“One of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it.”

~Mark Twain

I'm no meteorologist, but heed the words of Mr. Twain. The weather here is like a broken dial on a transistor radio -- random and never steady for long. I can't promise it will be warm come late March, or even that it won't snow (it's rare, but it happens). The best thing to do is bring an extra pair of heavy duty shoes or sneakers that you don't mind getting wet. Also, bring a sweatshirt or hoodie to go with a jacket just in case the temperature or wind decides to screw with you, because there is a good chance it will.

Taxes

6.25% sales tax and 7% on prepared food. Not the worst in the nation, but consider this when planning your budget.

Stay classy Taxachusetts!

Hope you enjoyed this primer to the Bay State. Check back next month for an overview on navigating the T, places to check out while in the city, and a look into the Hynes Convention Center.

Did I miss something? Like to know more about Bean Town? Suggestions? I welcome your feedback.