There has to be some sort of design mandate when it comes to first-party titles on the Wii. Nintendo must have it writ in the bible of motion-capable development that all titles, regardless of their core mechanics, must make use of wiggle and waggle.

In the same bible, it must also be written that developers may not give players the opportunity to forgo this motion-based impasse. No, they’ll need to shake what their higher ups gave ‘em.

Fret not -- it typically works. With games like Super Mario Galaxy, motion is peppered into the best spots. It becomes second nature for Wii users to flick their wrists as goombas approach. The controller configuration is tilted towards waggle, as players have independent control of movement and attack. The nunchuck handles moving Mario around, while the a shake of the Wii Remote activates his signature spin move. Movement isn’t compromised for combat. Perfect.

But then along comes the rebirth of side-scrolling platformers. Starting with the vastly underplayed Wario Land: Shake It!, Nintendo has been parading out a troupe of wonderful 2D adventures. New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Kirby’s Epic Yarn and Donkey Kong Country Returns followed the purple-trouser'd doppleganger. Each title sports the same default controller configuration: The remote is held horizontally.

And that's where the problems begin.

The control schemes for Mario Galaxy and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess are solid because movement is typically kept separate from combat. Players don’t have to sacrifice control in order to shake the Wii Remote. With the horizontal controller configuration, however, players have to shake themselves stupid.

The issue is that these 2D titles are all platformers. While I can forgive Kirby and Wario a little because they’re both designed to be a bit forgiving when it comes to the user’s play, Mario and Donkey Kong are both precision platformers. Especially in later levels, the games challenge players to keep their cool and channel their old-school skills in order to defeat entire sections of pits and narrow ledges.

For Donkey Kong, this is where motion is especially brutal. To make DK roll, players have to run and shake. To make DK pound the ground, they have to stop and shake. To make DK bend down and blow (don't laugh), they have to hold down on the d-pad and shake.

The result is an extremely frustrating blend of stops, starts, and misfires. Users will struggle with gaps as they mistime their roll jumps, thanks to the awkward control scheme. Diddy will ditch his pal because of a poorly planned ground pound. It happens constantly.

For a challenging platformer, control should never bolster the difficulty of the adventure. A game like Donkey Kong Country Returns should be tough because of narrow escapes and necessary twitch reflexes, not because of some fatal design mandate passed down from the gods of 2006.

Why not just let gamers choose whether or not they want to shake their lives away? Nintendo, make it happen.