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Unless you were a recent member of Oprah or Jimmy Fallon's studio audiences, you're likely looking at the Kinect -- Microsoft's new motion-based peripheral for the Xbox 360 (aka "the most totally radical thing to come to gaming since the Power Glove") -- and wondering, "Is this right for me?"
Wonder no more. With the help of my friend Rick and my girlfriend Christina, I spent a weekend of sweaty gyrating, occasional cursing, aching ankles, and performing some of the poorest dance moves ever witnessed with seven Kinect launch titles (provided to us by Microsoft). Read on for a record of our experiences and to find out which Kinect games -- if any -- are right for you.
Christina had been excited for Dance Central ever since I showed her a video from E3, so I decided to pop it in first. It did not disappoint. Christina voted this her favorite game of the lot -- probably because she routinely wiped the dance floor with Rick and me during the competitive Dance Battles.
During my routines, both she and Rick for some reason could not stop laughing. The videos they took will likely be used to blackmail me when I run for public office.
But who cares? I was having too much silly, goofy fun to notice. And thankfully Dance Central is a forgiving game: While the game monitors your entire body as you dance (unlike the Wii-based Just Dance series, which can only record arm movements), you can't fail a song -- so even though I mostly flailed around like a fish out of water, I at least got to finish out the routines.
Recommended for: Club goers, people with little to no inhibitions, teenage girls.
Next, Rick and I tried out Kinect Joy Ride. I had played a little bit of this at a recent Kinect event, so I figured I had the upper hand on him, but the difficulty of controlling a car as if you were holding an invisible steering wheel meant I rarely drove in a straight line. The Mario Kart-esque gameplay doesn't exactly require precision, but it still needed more than I could give it. I limped across the finish line in last place, all the while looking longingly at the neglected 360 controller sitting on the couch. I asked Rick if he wanted a rematch, but he merely shrugged his shoulders, so we moved on.
Moral of the story: Before eating up hundreds of man hours and millions of dollars in development, Kinect developers should ask themselves, "Can I really improve upon the controller experience with this game?" If the answer is no, then maybe don't make it. Kinect Joy Ride's developers could've saved themselves a lot of trouble with that one simple question.
Recommended for: Backseat drivers, Mario Kart Wii players who use the steering-wheel peripheral.
I then challenged Rick to a match of Party Play in Kinect Sports. Party Play randomly shuffles up the various games -- boxing, track and field, soccer, table tennis, volleyball, and bowling -- into bite-sized chunks. Of course, bowling a single frame with your left hand or swatting a table tennis match to three doesn't give you much time to explore the mechanics: By the time I figured out how to get Kinect to read my movements, I had already lost the round.
To be fair, the recognition problems may have had to do with the configuration of my living room, which gives me at most seven feet of space. Microsoft recommends eight feet or more for co-op modes, so we were a little on the short side.
We also discovered something else during Kinect Sports: Dogs do not understand the concept of Kinect. They think you have simply turned into a crazy person who's running in place and jumping up and down for no reason. This explains why our boxer Milton started punching at my knees during the 100-meter hurdles.
Recommended for: People with cavernous living rooms, gamers nostalgic for the NES Track and Field game with the Power Pad.
After Rick left, I fired up Kinectimals, the so-cute-it-hurts virtual-pet simulator that got good buzz at the Kinect event. While Christina found the fact that an adult man was playing (and enjoying) Kinectimals a little disturbing, she was impressed by the voice commands, which you can use to name your tiger cub, puma cub, lion cub, etc. (there's a distinct jungle cat theme) and teach it tricks.
Christina fully came around to Kinectimals when she tried out the game for herself, spending hours playing catch, steering her little cub around on an RC car, and so on. The cuteness will likely turn hardcore gamers off, but the various activities Kinectimals actually do a great job of demonstrating what the Kinect can do. It's also the most traditionally game-like of Kinect's initial offerings, so if you like your games with story, this is the place to look.
Recommended for: Small children, girlfriends/wives, people who can't pass a puppy on the street without saying, "Awwwwwww!"
Not recommended for: Dogs. Milton was less than amused with Kinectimals, spending the entire time Christina and I played it trying to prove that he was better than the virtual pet onscreen. "Sorry, Milton," I'd say as he dropped yet another toy at my feet. "If only you gave me Achievement points...."
