The journey from gamer to father

Sany0276__small_
Friday, April 15, 2011
EDITOR'S NOTEfrom Rob Savillo

As gamers grow up (the Entertainment Software Association estimates the average age to be 34), they face the challenge of balancing their time between their favored hobby and starting a family. John describes his first steps in that new adventure.

It's 2:30 in the morning on a Tuesday night. I am exhausted from a concert of goal completing, colorful visuals on my television screen, and hand-eye coordination challenges. Sounds like a pretty good night of gaming, right? I never picked up a controller.

On December 1, 2010, I began the journey of fatherhood. I thought I fully understood the requirements of the job. Midnight wakeups, poopy diapers, and bottles...no problem -- I got this. Bouncy chairs, swings, and all other manner of Baby Entertainment Devices™ invaded my living room and began a squatting routine in John's Entertainment Central™ in a way that only those who have kids can truly appreciate. Again, this didn't come as too big of a surprise, but like Germany invading Poland, this was only the beginning.

 

It happened so quickly that I hadn't realized I traded in my controller for a glow worm and Halo: Reach for My Baby Can Read. When the little one finally decided to go to sleep, subsequently clicking the power button on my Xbox would emit a sound wave that only babies can hear that tells them to immediately wake up and play with Dad. When my wife would take her out, I either had the chores that we all most do to survive (damn you, IRS!) or found myself too exhausted to do anything that required more concentration than watching my backlog of The Event.

I fired up Red Dead Redemption on several occasions only to find that it had been so long since I had played that I didn't know why I was in Mexico or why I should care. World of Warcraft: Cataclysm still rests on my computer desk, sealed in the box. I haven't started Starcraft 2 in so long that I wouldn't be surprised if my installation is still vanilla.

Financially (especially as a parent), anyone would agree that a $60 purchase does not come lightly. We probably have more important things to buy, and if not now, we will in the future. Lengthened console cycles are not such a negative thing to me as it is for other people who want the next big thing.

I love every minute of it -- being a dad is one of life's few, naturally awesome experiences. But sometimes when no one else is looking, I miss being a gamer.

 
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Comments (11)
L_c2190f9bee5fe40dffa673d9a8cc0493
April 12, 2011

I can relate to your situation. My son is now two years old and I can tell you it gets better. You will learn to manage being a gamer and a father, but it's tough and I sometimes miss being a gamer too. 

Being a father is the most rewarding thing I've experienced in my life but sometimes I have to remind myself why I'm going to go through this again in a month. 

Alexemmy
April 13, 2011

The only time I can play games is by sneaking up stairs and coming down in a few hours to a pissed off wife and a three year old that has dumped something on the floor. Once your kid is sleeping through the night you might be able to get some gaming in then. I usually wake up before the wife and kid but my PS3 is in the bedroom with them. I feel for ya.

Sany0276__small_
April 13, 2011

Thanks for your feedback guys, I really appreciate it. Alex, I too know the "sneak off while everyone is asleep" gambit, some of the only time I've had is when my family is tucked into bed. I think mainly the whole thing is a bit of a lifestyle change and a natural part of life as we grow older. As she gets older I'm sure things will change even more, especially when she's old enough to play Wii with Dad!  

Default_picture
April 14, 2011

I am totally there with you, man. I get most of my gaming in after the family has gone to sleep. I have a four-year-old and another on the way. I'm about to learn how much time two take up. It's great that the four-year-old likes to sit and watch dad build castles in Minecraft. When she asks where is the princess, I just tell her she's in another castle. One day that will be funny to her. :)

Sany0276__small_
April 14, 2011

Haha John, I'm sure she will understand one day!

I was nervous about the more personal subject matter of this post, I wasn't sure if it had a place here. It's nice to see that there are other people out there struggling to maintain their sense of identity as fathers(and Mothers I should say!) and gamers, especially in a time where we might be told to "grow up". 

Default_picture
April 15, 2011
Great article. I can totally relate. One of my proudest moments was when my 4 year old son got me a couple of achievements on Lego Batman. I just found out we have another on the way and I get to start the journey all over again. drmpodcast.com
Default_picture
April 15, 2011

I just had my first child in January. I've managed to sneak in some gaming, but it's a lot more short session or easily pausable stuff. I used to do my gaming in the evening before bed, but now I need all the sleep I can get because my daughter may wake us up a couple times a night.

It means I'm not getting the time I want to spend with more immersive experiences like Mass Effect 2 DLC or Dragon Age: Origins, but I do find time for games like Super Meat Boy, Pinball FX2, Bejeweled Blitz LIVE and short Kinect sessions. My daughter is entertained enough playing with her toys and wiggling in her play area in our living room so I just have to be available to stop gaming immediately and feed her/change her/play with her/hold her/etc. if she needs anything.

It's a transition, but ultimately having a daughter and seeing her grow is a more rewarding experience than any game. If it means I have to transition to different types of games if I want to keep playing, that's not a huge deal. In this day and age we are spoiled with quality gaming experiences of all types so I'm having no less fun with games.

Default_picture
April 15, 2011

This is a good article, but I wonder where the "Gamers Becoming Mothers" are. I'd like to get their side of the story, too!

Default_picture
April 15, 2011

Gaming and fatherhood have an interesting intersection with me. My wife labored at home for an entire day before we went to the hospital, during which she want me to be with her but not hovering over her. So I sat with her on the floor and played the entirety of Gears 2. I played the bulk of Fallout 3 with an infant asleep on my chest. My son is now 2 and loves to watch and play games. He will bring me the DS and say "Please, Mario" and let me help him play for a while, but then he hands it to me, lays his head on my shoulder and watches me play.

And Antonio, as for gaming mothers, my wife never played much, but has started now because my son wants her to play Mario with him. She still enjoys being my spotter in most games, looking for items and collectables.

Sany0276__small_
April 15, 2011

Thanks for the promotion Rob, I thought I was going nuts seeing changes in the story yesterday, and now I know why! :)

@Antonio I find myself wondering the same thing, and would love to hear what some of the gaming moms out there have to say about it. If I see anything around these here internetz I'll try and let you know. 

I'm glad to see so many people out there that love being a parent, still finding time to play. I would love to get a group together for a "Parents Game Night" or something of that nature, but I fully understand  that would be a hard thing for any of us to commit to. 

Robsavillo
April 15, 2011

Heh, no worries, John. A number of us on Bitmob are new dads, too. My son's a year and a half now; I'm looking forward to later when he becomes interested in games on his own and I can show him the ropes. One weird side note: Your kid and I share a birthday!

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