If anyone thinks that they've played their share of bad sports games, they obviously haven't played Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball.

I know that many of the guys like this game because the girls look curvaceously hot. I admit that Kasumi turned me on when she did her pole dance in the game. Yet, this scene only takes up about one percent of the game. The remaining 99 percent is truly horrible.

Technically Xtreme tries to pass itself off as a side universe to the Dead or Alive franchise. The opening movie was pretty funny to watch. Of course, I'll never really believe that Zack created this island from some submarine missile explosion, but it piqued my interest.

From this point on, Xtreme turns from interesting to downright aggravating.

Each player controls a girl. They can give gifts to the other girls to possibly befriend them. Once they have a partner, they can play volleyball against the other female teams on the island. However, an actual volleyball match is very hard to win.

For some reason, the camera floats in a God-awful diagonal perspective. Players already have a tough time controlling their girl with the floaty analog controls. The camera makes everything worse, keeping even the best players from ever winning against the computer.

After one day of frustration, I didn't win any of my matches. To make matters worse, my volleyball partner got bored and decided to leave me after a certain number of days. If I ever wanted a new partner, I had to buy gifts for them with the money that I didn't have.

The minigames in the sequel are even worse. Many of them are based more on luck than on actual skill. The swimming pool platform jumping game is atrocious. I had to somehow time how long I pushed each button, just so that I could jump the proper distance. The game didn't even give me a power meter, to measure how long I would jump. The stupid minigame is entirely based on intense timing and a lot of luck.

In fact, the only way to earn a decent amount of money is by playing casino games at night. I probably would have had more fun if the girls didn't have extremely annoying voices. There's no way to avoid playing casino games. Every other stage in this game is terrible.

Heck, I couldn't even take pictures in the scenic areas around the island. If I wanted to take photographs, I had to make money to buy the camera and some extra film. I could try to make money by playing volleyball matches or pool minigames, but I'll probably never win. I could play the simple casino games, if the Japanese girls' voices didn't sound so obnoxious.

This isn't even a decent side universe game. Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball is one of the worst sports video games ever made. The sequel was even more terrible, because they didn't make any improvements to the controls. Instead, the developers added impossible mini games and an uncontrollable jet ski minigame. And the developers gave the girls bouncier breasts, for some reason.

This is the worst game that director Tomonobu Itagaki has ever made. I hope for my sake that he will never even think about releasing Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball 3.

Did I miss anything? Is Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball actually better than I'm making it out to be? Hell, is this game even worth talking about? Just post it in the comments below.