In their efforts to sum up your player characters' various talents and skills, RPGs the world over use numbers. And each of those numbers has a label. And those labels don't make sense. And that's what we're talking about today on Topics That Don't Really Matter (tm).

DISCLAIMER: I treat stats and traits as proper nouns, so expect tons of Capitalization Where It Perhaps Doesn't Belong.

Special Attack, Special Defense (Pokemon)

Attacks in Pokemon can be either Physical or Special. Physical attack effectiveness is governed by the plain vanilla Attack and Defense stats, whereas Special attacks have their own Special Attack and Special Defense.

Why doesn't this make sense?

"Special." You know what's special? A blazing fire kick called Blaze Kick. That's pretty Street Fighter levels of "special" to me. Not to Pokemon. Know what isn't "special," but is totally game mechanic Special? Bubblebeam. Stupid.

Intelligence, including variants like Intellect, Wisdom, Knowledge, etc. (countless titles)

In 105.3% of RPGs, the Intelligence stat and its variants governs the effectiveness of whatever that fictional world considers "magic." And, usually, that's it.

Why doesn't this make sense?

I remember wild animals in Final Fantasy 6 casting spells, and that's hardly the only example. So this idea of magic/conjuration/whatever being tied to a being's intellect isn't sound unless you make sure only sentient beings are doing the casting.

Furthermore, why exactly isn't the Intelligence stat contributing so much more? Shouldn't it factor into just about anything a character can do? I'm willing to bet the intelligent weapon-centric warrior is carefully considering their movement to impart maximum damage while ensuring no openings in their defense, much more so than a hulking brute.

Any game that has both an Intelligence and Wisdom stat

In this case, Intelligence tends to factor into offensive magic while Wisdom determines the effectiveness of healing and support spells.

Why doesn't this make sense?

They're the same freaking thing. 

In the real world, intelligence is a complex concept entailing a multitude of skills, including deductive reasoning and plain ol' knowledge gathering (aka, what the I in CIA stands for). Wisdom is, at best, a synonym.

Agility (World of Warcraft)

In World of Warcraft, the Agility stat governs the likelihood of physical critical hits. Some classes also base their overall physical striking power on Agility. Rogues love Agility.

Why doesn't this make sense?

"Agility" has precisely nothing to do with the thing it's named after. In Pokemon, the Speed stat plays a hand in turn order; that same stat determines how fast a character's time bar fills in certain Final Fantasy titles. The Agility stat does very agility-esque things in other games, like determine dodge rates or increase movement speed.

I get the increased chance at critical hits, but shouldn't Agility make one, you know, more agile? World of Warcraft characters must turn to talents, items, and enhancements that buff movement speed. In practice, WoW Warriors are much more agile than Rogues, possessing an effective toolkit of direct movement options Rogues would kill for. Guess what? No self-respecting Warrior stacks Agility.

Alacrity (Star Wars: The Old Republic)

In Star Wars: The Refined Version of WoW That TOR Insists is Nothing Like WoW Even Though it's Totally WoW, Alacrity reduces ability cooldown, letting you use them faster.

Why doesn't this make sense?

I always thought "alacrity" meant "optimistic readiness." What a bizarre word for an RPG stat, seriously. But fitting. From a game that has Force Power, Tech Power, and just plain Power.

HP, LP, WP, and JP (SaGa Frontier)

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Carlos AlexANDRe is a self-descrasglkah{)G handsomeFAT NAM Oders entertainment, PKMN you canL:KIGH[p h{GO his website and the podcast he co-hosts.