Editor's note: Max is back with breaking news about Ubi...er...Roobiesoft's new digital rights management intiative. I think the approach sounds like an easy-access compromise for gamers and publishers. Now I just have to book a fight, kennel my dog, and find someone to pick up my mail. -James

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- After numerous attempts to quell the outbreak of video game piracy, including SecuROM, Uplay, and asking really nicely, publisher Roobisoft Games has announced a new strategy to ensure consumers purchase all of its upcoming games legally. Touting it as a “revolutionary concept that only the brilliant minds at Roobisoft could imagine,” CEO Richard Gumbo explained how their latest form of digital rights management (DRM) would finally eliminate piracy.

“The process is actually quite simple,” Gumbo stated at a press conference. “Consumers can purchase our games in any traditional store or even online, and all they have to do is come to one of our three West Coast offices to play them. We are trying to make playing as easy and enjoyable as possible in order to please our loyal fans and attract many new costumers while maintaining a good business model.”

Of course, the system features a few additional steps. Following the conference, the head of the program took questions and laid out some of the details. “Obviously we have to put in place a couple of minor measures to be certain that all players are legal owners of the game. The first time players arrive at one of our offices, they will have to bring two types of identification, sign a few forms, have their fingerprints taken, and pay a $15 fee, but any consecutive visits will require only a driver's license and Social Security number.”

Gamers must sign a few short forms before they are allowed to play

The producer added, “Did I forget to mention the background check and the ten-day waiting period? I guess I figured that was implied as we want to make sure potential players do not have a past history of pirating our games.”

In another interview later that day, CEO Gumbo assured the press that there would be no negative repercussions from this system. “Look, I promise the retail price of our games will not rise one penny as a result of the switch. Heck, our offices have already been equipped with new air conditioning units and small concession stands that will sell gamer-approved Hot Pockets and Cheetos. Convenience and pleasure for our loyal costumers are still our most important goals. Just remember to bring your own controllers and keyboards, of course. We cannot provide everything.”

Reactions to this announcement have been generally positive throughout the gaming community. Message boards and blogs across the Internet have expressed approving opinions, with a great number of individuals declaring that they would never again play any game without this DRM.

“It makes perfect sense,” wrote DragonKiller98X. “Now when I buy games from Roobisoft, I know that my money is going directly from the generous publisher to the developers so they can continue making great games. If I just buy any old nonprotected game from Best Buy, how can I be sure that the disc is real? They could have just gotten one and made a bunch of copies like the rest of the filthy pirates on the Internet!”

CheeseyPenguin12 on the NeoGiraffe forums also proclaimed her support. “I think it's perfectly reasonable to require gamers to journey to a designated office to play games. It gives me such a warm feeling in my heart knowing that I am doing my part in contributing to a faceless, caring corporation, and that's the most important part of gaming, isn't it? I might live in New Jersey, but I already have my first flight booked to travel to their Seattle office next month, and I couldn't be more excited!”

Gamers are already queuing up at airports to travel to Roobisoft's offices

A few gamers don't like this new initiative. Mark Lardman, a 32-year old who lives three blocks from Roobisoft's San Francisco office, told a reporter that he “really [did] not feel like walking all the way over there just to play a game” and that it was “a pain in the neck.”

The new DRM is not the only program Roobisoft has been preparing to fight pirates. Gumbo briefly mentioned a “Roobisoft Secret Police Task Force” but declined to comment on it any further, saying it was still under heavy development.

It has been quite a while since I have written any new Disgruntled Vegetable articles due to college classes, work, and laziness on my part. To make up for the long absence, all this week from Monday July 19 through Sunday July 25, I will be posting a brand-new article every single day, I hope you enjoy reading the Week of the Vegetable as much as I enjoy writing it!

Also, a few notes on piracy: I believe that pirating games is a really despicable act that is seriously hurting the industry, and we can plainly see its effects, especially on the PC-game market (indie-developed World of Goo alone had a 90% piracy rate when it was released in 2008). I also feel that developers and publishers have every right to ensure that they make money on their hard work.

The new measures Ubisoft and EA have been taking to curb this problem are equally disturbing and force players to be online while playing single-player games such as Assassin's Creed 2 and the new Command & Conquer. This could have serious repercussions for the PC market, not to mention the concern for the historical preservation of these games when the servers no longer support them. What are your opinions, and do you have a different solution (hopefully better than the one suggested in this article) to the issue?