I love video games. I love the culture surrounding them. I love the people that make them, and I love playing them. Unfortunately, nobody else does.
The Ugly Duckling Scenario: Being a Gamer In a Casual World
A couple days ago, my parents went out to dinner together. I, being the oldest of three boys, was left in charge. Soon, it was time for my youngest brother, Sam, to go to bed. Sam is nine years old, and can take care of himself fine. However, he still always asks me to read him a story whenever I am babysitting him. I always do, even though I know he usually doesn’t get one. As I was looking through his bookshelf for something to read to him, I came across a book of short stories and fairy tales. I took the book of the shelf, and started to look through it. I skimmed through most of them, as he seemed to know most of them. I then came to a classic fairy tale, “The Ugly Duckling”. I turned to him as I flipped to the first page. He shrugged, which I interpreted as “Okay, let’s read that one.” I read through it and said goodnight.
As I was watching TV for the rest of the night, I kept thinking about the story. It was about an outcast, a lone duckling who didn’t fit in. The only thing wrong with him was his appearance. He was perfectly normal, but it was just that one little trait and how others reacted that made him feel alone in his world. For me (and I’m sure for others out there), that’s how I feel loving video games.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Jack, and I live in Maryland. I’m a sophomore in high school, and I will be turning 16 this December. I play guitar, and also enjoy snowboarding and scuba diving. I’m a good student. I own a decent PC (Crysis on medium runs at about 30 FPS) that my family uses, which is naturally full of crap. I also own a Wii that I bought with my own money. I saved up for two years and went to Disney World and other vacations without spending a penny so I could afford it. I waited in line at Target and walked in with 262 dollars and 50 cents and got one cents change.
I fell for the PR and advertising. About a month after my purchase the Wii was forgotten. I was disappointed by the motion control and was now without a console. I had asked for an Xbox 360 the past 2 years for Christmas, and asked for it again that year. I did not receive one. I currently have an Xbox 360 Elite that I purchased September 5th in my closet, still in the box. I’m not allowed to open it (It’s a weird reason why, maybe later). I love gaming, and I love the culture surrounding it. I listen to at least a dozen podcasts a week, and am asking for PAX East tickets for my birthday, so I can meet some people in the video game press, and some people on a forum I belong to. I have my calendar marked on days games come out. When people ask me what I want to be, I say “A video game journalist.”
I haven’t always been like this. Before, I was just a regular gamer, who played regular stuff. I had a Nintendo Power subscription that got renewed for my birthday. About a year or two, I really started liking games, and really started appreciating them. I started expressing myself and my thoughts about games more openly, and started go beyond saying “Oh man those graphics are great”, to saying something more along the lines of “I really like the way this game runs on ______ Engine.” I believe it started around the time when Halo 3 was coming out.
If anyone ever reads this, you may be thinking “Hey, this guy sounds like me.” Maybe I do, and maybe after I tell you about this next part of my life, you might still sound like me. Or maybe you won’t. Here’s where the ugly duckling part comes in. Nobody I know thinks any of this is normal. When I started really absorbing video game culture, it was like I “hatched”. I was normal before that, but now, I’m the ugly duckling. And so begins our fairy tale.
The story begins as the duckling is hatching. He is always abused and avoided because of his looks; because he is different. He wanders from place to place to try to fit in somewhere. He sometimes is given a place to stay and food to eat, but he is only there because the other can deal with him. He never feels quite at home.
I have friends. I’ve had some for a while now, and some that I have just recently met. I’m friends with boys and girls. I got in fights with the guys, and have fallen for the girls sometimes, but I still stay friends with them. Some of my friends are a little more geeky and less “popular” (I really don’t like that word), than others, and some are more on the sporty and “popular” side. Thing is, none of them are into video games like I am. They all play a ton of sports; I don’t play any but Golf. Some of them own an Xbox or a PS3, but they are the type where the last game they bought was probably Call of Duty 4. I still can’t get the PS3 owners to buy MGS4 or Uncharted 2 (when it comes out). Some of them are definite fan boys, but their best defenses are “Gaylo” and that “PS3 Live” (as they call it) sucks. That’s as far as it goes for videogames for them. Whenever I go into school, excited to tell them something about a game they should be excited for, they look at me like I'm some weirdo. It feels like I'm the duckling. I make different friends who are in different groups, but none of them share the interest of games like I do.
I honestly don’t think anyone in my school does. My school is filled with a lot of stereotypes. There’s the World of Warcraft guys, who sit alone at lunch, wearing Guitar Hero shirts and talking about their level 80 death elves or whatever (I don’t play WoW), there’s the Jocks, the big guys who get all the girls and sometimes secretly play WoW, there’s the popular kids who are dicks to everyone who isn’t as cool as them, and there’s the “Haha all i play is Halo and Gears” and the “Someone hacked into my Xbox and caused it not work, whenever I turn it on it just shows three of the lights being red” (yes, I have heard that before) kind of people. Nobody is like me, who just enjoys games, and is still capable of being social with other people.
As winter arrives, the duckling is all alone. An old farmer finds him, and brings him to live in his barn.
My family consists of my Mom, Dad, and my two brothers, who are 9 and 13 years old. My Mom doesnt want anything to do with video games. That's all you will hear about her in my story. My Dad is like her. I have a feeling they are both clueless. I remember a time that I was playing Call of Duty 4 multiplayer, and was on the Terrorist team. My Dad walked into the room, and had a shocked look on his face. When I asked him whats wrong, he said that he couldn't believe I was killing US Soldiers. I tried to explain that I was auto-assigned to a team, but I don't think he understood what I meant. I remember seeing my Mom and Dad playing Guitar Hero World Tour with my family when we were with relatives around Christmas, but that's the only video game I have ever seen them play. I've discussed going to PAX for my birthday, but they can't understand why I would want to drive 10-12 hours just to play games and walk around.
My brothers are casual gamers. Very casual. As I type this, Sam, the 9 year old, is playing flash games on the computer next to me. They both barely ever touch the Wii, and if they do, it's to play Wii Sports Resort or Guitar Hero. If i try to show anyone a cool trailer for a game or something cool I just did in a game, they will watch for about 30 seconds, then walk away. My family is worse than my friends when it comes to games.
The farmers noisy kids scare the bird off, and he sets off on his journey once again. The ugly duckling doesn't know what to do. It's spring now, and he thinks that there are no roads left for him to take. He flies to a garden where some beautiful swans lived.
One day, as I was searching YouTube for Halo 3 videos (this was before the release of the game), I kept seeing a result with a ton of views. "Master Chief Sucks at Halo". I always passed by it, only wanting to see the game. I eventually, out of boredom, clicked on the video to see what it was.
I loved the video. I thought it was the funniest thing ever. Time passed, and I found that a second MCSAH video was made. I watched it, and laughed the whole way through. I checked out who made it. DigitalPh33r. I watched some of his other videos, and liked them. I subscribed. Eventually, he really started to take off. He eventually made a blog, and would post his videos every friday. I remember coming home on friday and running to the computer to see his new videos.
One day, he had a new blog entry, saying that he had made a forum. I joined, and voted in some poll. My second post was a thread asking "Where is that thing (the one with the blue sides were plaugue gets thrown off)? ive looked in forge and cant find it... anyone no what map, and where specifically?" The map was Epitaph, but I had no clue, I thought it was something in Sandtrap. I read some other topics, and replied to them once in a while. Eventually, I became more and more active.
The duckling arrives at the garden, and asks for the swans to kill him, for he is lost, and is always doomed to be an outcast. The swans tell him to look at his reflection in the lake. He has matured into a great swan, more beautiful than any swan he has seen. He lives with the swans for the rest of his life, finally feeling at home.
I was amazed that there was all these people who were like me, and loved games. I became great friends with some of them, and always was talking and playing games with them. I was, and still am, one of the most active in the community the forum had created, despite the fact that the forum no longer exists. I finally felt like I was accepted into a group of people with open arms. I found that If I looked, people like this were all over. I began listening to podcasts, reading news sites like Joystiq and 1UP. My hobby was something that I could be proud of, and not something I would hide and try to forget about.
Well, I'm done. I hope you all enjoy reading this; it took me 3 weeks to get done. I always wanted to tell people my story, and I figured a place where people could understand and relate to it, and not just make fun of it would be the right place to write it. I hope I haven't wasted too much of your time with this.
-Jack
