Separator

The "What If's" in gaming

Default_picture
Thursday, May 13, 2010

 Back when EGM and it's sister mag Expert Gamer was around (thank heavens they're back) they had a little feature called "What If." This consisted of random rants about all game characters and aspects into gaming, categorized with jokes and fantasy. Yeah, this isn't as great as I'd hope for, but I thought I'd try.

 

What If..............


     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.....Kratos from God of War found out he his father was Bubsy?

....Super Mario Bros. 2 The Movie was announced?

.....Xbox Live was free like PSN?

.....Shigeru Miyamoto sold the rights of Zelda to Square Enix?         

.....Resident Evil 5 was actually "Resident Evil?"

.....Super Mario Galaxy 2 starred Luigi?                                                  

.....people didn't camp in Modern Warfare 2?

.....Dan "Shoe" Hsu brought EGM back and named it Bit Mob Monthly?

.....Ellis and Rochelle from L4D2 had a baby, and it turned out  to be a jockey?

.....Nintendo's next system was called Virtual Man?

.....Alan Wake's ending revealed it was the in Silent Hill?

.....Mega Man X7 stayed 2D?

.....Tecmo bought the NFL license?

.....the Dreamcast never died?

.....Shaq Fu was announced for the virtual console?                                    

.....Bill Gates bought out Sony?

.....Sheik / Zelda were a playable character in OoT?

(remember those rumors!?)

......Final Fantasy 7 was released for the N64 instead?

.....Orlando Bloom starred as Link in Zelda: The Movie?

.....Mega Man 2 was never released?

.....Hulk Hogan established his own game company?

.....AKI (WWF NO MERCY) still made WWE games?

.....Robin Williams named his daughter Zelda? --Oh wait, that's true!

.....Nintendo Power's hotline was still around?

.....Ninja Gaiden (any) were easy?

.....Goldeneye was released on the Arcade?

.....the 64DD actually made it in the states?

.....a new E.T. game was announced?

.....Akuma was a playble character in RE2? (EGM's April Fool's '98).

.....N-Gage was a success?

 

 

Got any ideas?

pictures from gameinformer.com, 360rantrave.com, and wordpress.com

 
Tags: Mega Man 2, EGM, God of War, sony, Nintendo, PlayStation, Sega, Movies, Final Fantasy, Square-Enix, Mega Man, Nintendo 64, Ninja Gaiden, toad, Mario & Luigi, GoldenEye 007, WWE, Dan Hsu, Left for Dead 2, Kratos, Zelda, egm2, Nintendopower, Nintendo 64DD
Problem? Report this post
BITMOB'S SPONSOR
Adsense-placeholder
Related Stories
 
Comments (6)
Add a new comment
Pshades-s
Daniel Feit
May 13, 2010

This feature was integral to one of the most disturbing nights of my life. High on...something...we were all gathered in my friend's room laughing at ourselves and the world around us. Then some damn fool picked up an EGM and started reading "What ifs" out loud. Things quickly descended into madness as our chemically-clouded brains simply could not HANDLE the absurdity of what was written on the page.

In particular, two separate items related to Street Fighter Alpha 2 became fused together through our hazy minds: "What if Sakura was a 12-yr old boy?" "What if Ken left Eliza for Sakura?" The ramifications of those combined had us giggling/crying for hours.

SO whoever wrote those (was it you, Shoe?) I love/hate you.

Default_picture
Janelle Hindman
May 14, 2010

Hmm.  What if...
the Phantom console had come out and dethroned the PS2?
Yoshi had pals based on other dinosaurs?  (A triceratops?  Yes please.)
Pac-man, Q-bert and the guy from Dig Dug were in the next Smash Bros. game?
Spore played less like Sim-anything and more like EVO: Search for Eden?
the final Yakuza game ended like The Sopranos?

If a new E.T. game were announced, they'd inject it with more "zazz!" (Thanks for the term, Pitchfork!)  E.T. would now wear sunglasses and endlessly spout catchphrases!  The kids would have more 'tude and better outfits and Blackberries!  E. T. text home!  Also it would be a flying bicycle racing game with screaming tires and motorcycles.  And the iconic orchestral theme would be rewritten into a pop song by Justin Bieber.

Default_picture
Brandon Guerrie
May 14, 2010

@ Daniel- Yeah, it definitely brings back some memories. The feature lasted so long--I still have older issues of EGM and Expert Gamer laying around. What about the "Trash Talk" feature? Some of those were hilarious.

 

@Janelle- Pac-Man would be freakin' awesome in SSB! And you can't forget the to include Reese's pieces in a new E.T. game. ;)

37893_1338936035999_1309080061_30825631_6290042_n
Chase Koeneke
May 14, 2010

No Mercy was and still is the best wrestling game ever made. Hands down. Kinda want to break out the N64 and do some strong grapples now...

37893_1338936035999_1309080061_30825631_6290042_n
Chase Koeneke
May 14, 2010

@Janelle I have Yakuza 1 and 2, but I've yet to play either of them (yes, I'm the Garnett Lee of Bitmob,) but if I knew the last Yakuza game would end with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin,'" I would go through all of them instantly to find out what they did to deserve such an epic ending.

Default_picture
Brandon Guerrie
May 14, 2010

@ Chase--Strongly Agree!!! I still have mine too-- nothing beats it!!

You must log in to post a comment. Please register if you do not have an account yet.