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This week's Reviews Spotlight creeps past the guards, solves a few puzzles, and throws a perfectly executed Hadouken at your face. Prepare your wallet -- you'll want to splurge after reading these reviews.

Splinter Cell: Conviction Review -- A Messy Mixture
By Zach Drapala
After finishing the cooperative campaign with fellow Bitmob Intern Omri Petitte, I was predictably interested in Zach's review of Splinter Cell: Conviction. Suffice it to say, we didn't share the same experience. Whereas I relished each garroted neck and bullet-riddled body, Zach seemed disappointed by Ubisoft's efforts. Maybe he should have played with Omri -- that guy knows how to have fun!

Late Bird Review: Street Fighter 4
By Ariel Feist
For those of you unfamiliar with Ariel's format, please note that he has a problem with tardiness. But instead of trying to adjust his habits, he's embraced them! This edition of the Late Bird Review investigates whether Capcom's prized fighting franchise is still king of streets. For the conclusion, check out Ariel's full article!

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I just came back from a bonfire where I burned a hole through my favorite Rocky shirt. Obviously, I'm pretty bummed about it. I'm going to counter my despair with a hope-filled Community Spotlight.

Why There Is Hope for Halo: Reach
By S. Robert Delk
Robert was disappointed with Halo 3, but he hasn't given up on the franchise. ODST has restored his faith and given him hope for Halo: Reach.

Will Scribblenauts 2 Be Everything We Hoped the First Would Be?
By Alex R. Cronk-Young
Everyone seemed to agree that the first Scribblenauts was a cool idea bogged down with some serious design issues. Hopefully the sequel will be everything we wanted the first one would be.

Games as Ebert: Was Roger Trolling?
By Kevin John Frank
Did Roger Ebert say games weren't art just for the page views? How awesome would it be if Ebert was the Internet's ultimate troll? Kevin and his split personalities discuss this and other issues brought on by Ebert-gate.

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Editor's note: I enjoy it when someone uses video games to illustrate a political point. Juan looks at what video-game characters would face deportation under Arizona's new illegal-immigration legislation in this piece of political satire. Note: The opinions in this piece reflect the feelings of the writer, not Bitmob.com. -Jason

With the controversy surrounding Arizona state Senate Bill 1070, the recently passed legislation cracking down on illegal immigration, and its legal ramifications on the state and federal level, I ask simple question: Which video-game characters face deportation if they were to visit the Arizona without the proper documentation?

I feel the law violates the United States Constitution; as we all learn in Canadian and American grade school, only the federal government may issue currency, field a standing army, and protect its borders.

A stormtrooper checks identification papers at WonderCon. (Image by Juan Letona.)

At first the list seems like a simple endeavor. Characters such as Luke Skywalker, Master Chief, or Gordon Freeman don't count as they live in galaxies far, far away. The games we need to examine have modern settings and/or realistic interpretation of the world you and I live in -- this means games like Grand Theft Auto, Street Fighter, Super Mario Bros., and the like. Their characters would face deportation until they presented their papers.

The list begins now...on page 2.

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Bungie and Halo splitting is like some kind of weird video-game-industry divorce. Too bad they couldn't try to stay together for the kids.

News Blips:

Bungie plans to have Halo: Reach be the last game they make in the series. Speaking with Industry Gamers, Brian Jarrard of Bungie elaborated on what their recent 10-year partnership with Activision means for the Halo series. He stressed that they want the entire studio working on whatever their current project is and that they'd "be really hard pressed to find a world where Bungie has multiple teams making multiple disparate projects." Essentially, they'll be strictly developing their next next big thing for Activision, which, Jarrard told Edge-Online, they won't be debuting at this June's E3 game-industry trade show. If anyone requires counseling, we'll have the Bitmob therapists on hand. 

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As I mentioned in yesterday's Mailbag, one question we received nearly brought the entire staff to blows. That question? The top 10 games of all time, of course.

And if that question wasn't hard enough to answer on its own, just wait until you see the rules imposed on us...

Remember: Send your own questions, comments, and diabolical metagames to letters@bitmob.com (subject: "Mailbag") to be included in a future edition of the Mailbag!

At PAX East, Stephen Totilo of Kotaku and N'Gai Croal held a panel on a "game" called "Canon Fodder," which sought to determine once and for all the top 10 games of all time. They asked some well known industry folks to contribute, and I'd love to hear your take on the final list:

1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
2. Super Mario 64
3. Metal Gear Solid
4. Chrono Trigger
5. Portal
6. Half-Life
7. World of Warcraft
8. StarCraft
9. Super Metroid
10. Tetris

With this list, you can do one of two actions: (1) Swap the spots of any two games on the list or (2) remove one game from the list and substitute in your own.

-Byung J. Park

Brett: Since we're all gamers here, we couldn't resist the challenge of a game about games. I passed Byung's list and instructions to the staff, and the resulting email thread spanned 34 messages. Here is that thread:

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If you want to break into the business, it's going to take some work. The Tutorial is a series of articles about games-writing intended to better prepare you for what's ahead -- or help you figure out if it's even for you.

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Look at all the stuff flying around at the beginning of this Alan Wake trailer and imagine the Twister game that never was.

Video Blips:

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Editor's note: Suriel takes issue with how Rockstar implemented Grand Theft Auto's new direction. He's very happy with the serious tone, but he wishes the notoriously brash developer would have committed more fully to its decision. Me? I quit after the second time I shot pool with Roman. -James

Let me start by saying that I understand that the point of Grand Theft Auto is satire. It skewers the American way of life as well as common misconceptions that people carry about each other. Its parodic talk-radio shows demonstrate the unnatural ability with which hosts monger fear, and the fake-product advertisements between segments are exceptionally keen jabs at America's unique brand of commercialism. Even though the series has moved in a new direction with Grand Theft Auto 4 and its expansions, it continues to possess a certain slyness. Rockstar still has a brazen smirk on its face, and the most important part of its satire is hyperbole.

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Valve recently released the 119th update for Team Fortress 2. They decided that this was an occasion worth celebrating. As a big fan of the game, who am I to argue?

The actual update isn't earth-shattering, but they did commemorate it with a cool page detailing every update the game has ever received. It's a fun timeline that shows you just how far the game has come since its 2007 release. Also, except for some of the promotions -- like the Sam and Max hats -- these updates were free. Can you imagine if Bungie or Infinity Ward released even a map pack without charging for it?

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Editor's note: Can you trust email from the future? I'm willing to bet that universal dislike for Nickleback has a high probability of occurrence. Maybe Activision should have released Guitar Hero: Pickle instead. Are you listening, Kotick? This is your chance to save your job! -Rob

Somehow -- don't ask me -- I received the following article in my email inbox. The date was some 10 years hence (a  year when jokes about how well people see run rampant across the interwebs) and covers a company making all the wrong calls from a public-relations standpoint. Enjoy....

Where are they now?
April 10th, 2020
Associated Press Writers

Onlookers spotted Bobby Kotick, ex-CEO and president of video game publisher Activision, last week at his car-wash job in Seattle, Washington. Although it seems amazing, this man once controlled the biggest franchise in the business, a position now held by mega-corporation 2K Square Enix EA Micro-Ubi-Soft, Inc.

How did such a high-ranking official destroy a company once known for such innovative titles as Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, Guitar Hero, and Call of Duty, and then fall so far and so fast himself?

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Sorry for the slight delay since the last Bitmob Mailbag, folks. We used to have intern Mike Minotti vet the letters for us, but it turns out he was using the designated mail-reading time to write rambling essays on the unparalleled greatness of the National Treasure movies. Now I vet the letters myself.

If you'd like your rants, questions, or comments about Mike's passion for National Treasure (yes, it's real) featured in an upcoming edition, drop a note to letters@bitmob.com, subject: “Mailbag."

Dear Bitmob editors,

Is there a word you are partial to that you have not been able to use in any articles because it is too obscure? For example, I enjoy the words “defenestration” and “zarf,” but I haven’t had an opportunity to use them in any of my writing.

-Nick Nordstrom

Brett: First off, "zarf"? Is that a Star Trek character? I pride myself on my vocabulary, but I've got no idea what that means.

I like the rest of your question, however, so upon threat of defenestration I asked the wordsmiths at Bitmob to provide their own favorite obscure words. (Mine is "anathema.")

Demian: I'm also a big defenestration fan. Also, "flense." I name all my rogue characters that.

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Editor's note: Michael ruminates on the subtle storytelling differences between Mass Effect and other Bioware-developed role-players, and story-driven games in general. -Demian

While I was at GDC this past year I went to a lecture called "Get Your Game out of my Movie! Interactive Storytelling in Mass Effect 2" by Armando Troisi of Bioware. The one thing he said that stuck in my head since then was the idea of objective and subjective storytelling.

Basically, in a subjective story the player is the character, which is what you see in games like Dragon Age: Origins. The player often creates the character at the start of the game and is in control of that character's actions and decisions throughout.

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