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15 for 15: What Game Advice Would You Give to the 15-Year-Old You?
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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Editor's note: Juan tweaks a brilliant thought experiment from the writer Chuck Klosterman: If you had 15 seconds to talk to your 15-year-old self about games, what would you say? Leave your answers in the comments! -Brett


Here's a question that pop culture savant Chuck Klosterman likes to ask when he's five-eighths drunk (taken from his latest book of essays, Eating The Dinosaur): If you had the ability to make a 15-second phone call to your 15-year-old self, what would you tell him? Would you fix a regret so it becomes a good memory? Take advantage of a second chance -- even if it was to someone else's detriment? How dramatically would you want to alter your life with those 15 seconds?

But this is my twist on the question: What if you had to use those 15 seconds on something related to video games? I'm guessing most of us will probably say something to the effect of "invest in _______" or "create _________ before_______." Again, they may sound like good ideas, but will the 15-year-old you listen or even understand the message? For example, if you told me when I was 15 to make a game where I use the concept behind the Simon toy but with rock music, I would think you were out of your damn mind.

So let's not use messages that will result in you becoming Will Wright or Bobby Kotick and creating a rift in the space-time continuum where Marty McFly makes out with your mom. Instead, what realistic knowledge could you impart to your young gamer self that won't change the world?

Here are some that I came up with for the 15-year-old me, smack dab in the middle of the N64-PlayStation era. (Yes, these messages are 15 seconds or less if read at regular tempo.)

 

"Don't play Ocarina of Time with a strategy guide except for the water temple. Enjoy Hyrule, pansy."

"Remember those days when all you played were Japanese games that you couldn't understand? Well, when the Saturn drops in price, buy import-only games."

"Still have that Super NES? Buy Earthbound. You know what? Buy ten of them and keep them sealed."

"Betting hair color over a series of Mario Kart 64 races is not a good idea."

"Don't give away your old video games and systems. You will miss them and will one day want to write about them for a Web site. Don't worry about what a Web site is -- you'll learn."

"The next time you buy something from Microsoft, think about the extended warranty."

"Third party memory cards are bad for you. They may cause cancer for all you know."

"The trade-in is a vicious circle you will never escape if you fall into it. Just keep your old games."

"In 2009, your favorite game will be Pac-Man. Trust me on this."

"Join the high school newspaper and use that as your way into E3. This will be your chance to meet a perpetually half-naked girl named Lisa at the Tecmo booth. Trust me on this."

"On your next birthday, don't ask for Yoshi's Story and NBA Live '99. Playstation. Get over it -- your brother's right."

"Practice writing now. EGM isn't going to be around forever, you know..."

"Save up for that trip to Akihabara NOW!"

 
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Comments (32)
Brett_new_profile
January 14, 2010
"When you get back into backs, make sure Ico -- that's I-C-O -- is the first one you play."
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January 15, 2010
This is an easy one

"Dear self, when a guy named Adam offers you a job working for Playstation Magazine testing games and writing reviews own the fuck up and grow some balls and quit being so goddamn shy and unsure of yourself and take the fucking job! Go out and buy a PLAYSTATION and write the fucking reviews! Why you ever let this of all the great opportunities in your life slip by ill never know...we are so stupid."

Thats pretty much it.
Default_picture
January 15, 2010
or this

"Skip college move to California and get a job in the gaming industry through an internship. Schools a waste of fucking time,learn on the job and be happy."
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January 15, 2010
"Don't be a cheapass. Buy the warranty on the Xbox 360."
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January 15, 2010
"never sell your consoles, never you will miss playing you snes when you are 27"
Jamespic4
January 15, 2010
"There is never going to be a Marvel Vs. Capcom 3. Get over it."

Also, I'll take care of this joke:

"Nope, Duke Nukem Forever still hasn't come out...."
Default_picture
January 15, 2010
So, er, last year? :P
Nick_hair
January 15, 2010
"Nope: That unopened Dreamcast in your basement still isn't worth crap on Ebay."

"We have wireless controllers here in the future. Unfortunately, they cost almost as much as actual games. Start saving now."

"You know that dream you have about working for a game publication? Well, you still have it, so start working on your writing skills."

and finally:

"Video games are great and all, but go out and make more friends."
Dcswirlonly_bigger
January 15, 2010
"Invest in a PS2, the Dreamcast won't survive the rest of the year."

"When you buy Nintnedo's next system after the Gamecube, don't use your white Gamecube memory card on it."

And finally, I would ask my 15-year-old self:

"How the hell did you stay so good at games and actually have a life?!"
Default_picture
January 15, 2010
"Don't buy State of Emergency....and by the way, your dad is actually your mom's brother. You'll get over it. uh-oh time warp time--weeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Default_picture
January 15, 2010
I think I would say to myself to play any final fantasy game so that I would be ready to play FF13...

(Right now, I don't feel like I'm ready)
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January 15, 2010
''Play a Final Fantasy game so you're ready for FF13 when it finally comes out in 2010''

That way I'm both prepared for the massive delay AND I get to enjoy Final fantasy games when the graphics still are great.
Default_picture
January 15, 2010
"Make more Flash games. It'll be your job soon enough."

or

"Lock down your N64 stuff. You're going to miss it if you lose it... and you will."
Default_picture
January 15, 2010
"Don't register at Gamespot. Ever."
Default_picture
January 15, 2010
I'm only 16 now, but anyway: "Don't listen to what anyone says, Oblivion is not worth your time. Not even Sean Bean could save it."
Img_0580
January 16, 2010
"Get the hell out of Drama and continue web design. Also, don't let that jerk Brett N. borrow your copy of Ehrgeiz. Seriously, that's just stupid. He doesn't have teeth now. the profit he makes from selling your game will lead to the degeneration of his teeth."

Yeah...
Ragnaavatar2
January 16, 2010
"You should buy back that copy of Vagrant Story from your friend. You'll thank me later."
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January 16, 2010
Get the PlayStation, pass on the N64, and spend less time playing sports games.
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January 16, 2010
Considering it was only two years ago that I was 15, this is easy.

I bought an Xbox 360 near the end of Febuary two years ago, if I had waited three weeks I would have gotten 4 games and an extra controller for the same price I paid for Halo 3, PGR 3 and one controller.My message would be "Calm the fuck down and wait three weeks, it won't kill you, no matter what you think.Also buy a better laptop next Christmas"
Default_picture
January 16, 2010
hold on to that diablo 2 cd key
Me_and_luke
January 16, 2010
"Yes, Halo 2 will be awesome, but try to branch outside of your comfort zone and try other games during this console generation. And stop being so anti-Sony; get a fucking PS2 already."
Default_picture
January 16, 2010
"Buy a game called Suikoden II. It might have a weird title, but you'll grow to love it and it'll soon become a rare title."

"Don't buy a Madden title when the PS2 is released. You won't enjoy a single Madden game no matter how much they change."
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January 16, 2010
"Instead of being stubborn, listen to your mother and start doing more research on the industry instead of being lazy."

"Take those programming classes in high school instead of worrying whether it will be too hard; it'll pay off in the end."

"Please, please do more research on games before buying them. Also, when Mom offers to give you her PSP, take it instead of being all modest. You will regret it."
Pshades-s
January 17, 2010
"Do NOT buy Neo Geo games as an investment. They're like collectible plates from the Franklin Mint. Some go up in value...but many go down."

"On the other hand, buy as many copies as you can of that P.O.S. Dragon Ball GT game on PlayStation. You don't know what EITHER of those things are? You will."

"When you first learn about Magic: The Gathering, it will be fun. When you start spending thousands of dollars on cards, it will not be fun anymore."

"You think Japanese is kinda cool, don't you? Start studying now. NOW."
Jason_wilson
January 17, 2010
"Learn programming languages."
Default_picture
January 17, 2010
"A game called Guitar Hero will be coming out soon. It'll be fun, but for the love of god, don't sink you're entire freshman year of college into it. Get out more."

That's probably the best gaming advice I could give my 15-year old self.
Default_picture
January 18, 2010
I guess I can give it a go.

"Stop carrying your EGM magazines around with you everywhere,especially when you decide to skip school.You will seriously be thankful for this later."

"Since you love english and literature so much,start investing more time learning about it along side your gaming and anime obsession.This will prove very useful later."

"Start drawing more.I mean alot more.You will have mad skills later and maybe even be able to earn money for commissions and do a webcomic."

And finally:

"Stop being so fucking shy and be more social with people and balance this out with your drawing,gaming,anime,and reading habits.You may not look it now,but people will think you're a pretty cool person while still being a nerd."


Basically any of these would do well to tell my 15 year old self.
Default_picture
January 18, 2010
Mine isn't videogame related but I thought I'd still share...

"Get over Ashley. Stop being a goody goody. Try to score with Stephanie on your senior prom night or at least make out with her. You two totally don't see eachother again after high school."
Dan__shoe__hsu_-_square
January 18, 2010
Cool idea. I'd tell myself to play as much Splinter Cell Pandora Tomorrow and Chaos Theory while I could, because they weren't going to make any more of those spies vs. mercenaries multiplayer modes quite like that anymore!

Also, don't buy the original DS. Just wait a bit....
Default_picture
January 19, 2010
Jesus, I'm going to assume that the 15 seconds doesn't include convincing myself that this is for real, right? Or would I be a completely anonymous person with "an important message from the future"?

"All your instincts for game/system purchases are legit. Never question your instincts."

"At some point there will be a PS3. Man up and get the one with the biggest hard drive because they will REMOVE backwards-compatibility!"

Non-game related?

"When you and Mark become best friends you'll eventually move in together. When he tries to throw you out over his drug habit, tell his mother. And forgive him when he gets out of jail."

Ooooor...

"On August 12th 2008 you will want to go visit Mark at 12:30am, write it down. You will be able to save his life instead of spending a year consoling his mom."

Might alter time but so what...

"When you get a job in San Diego, SAVE YOUR MONEY! You can use it to go to school instead of doing manual labor for 4 years."
Fitocrop
January 19, 2010
"This rock & roll band thing you're starting won't last forever. But don't fret, in the future there'll be a game that'll let you pretend that."

"You're going to uncosciously stop gaming for quite some time. Worry not, you'll rejoin the scene in a wonderful time."
Default_picture
January 21, 2010
For god sakes get away from WoW, it will eat the next 5 years of your life.

Get out more and game less.

Learn as much as you can about cars when your in automotive classes in high school.

Invest as much time in studing for school as you do for games.

Get a job now... and dont half ass it, when i say try I mean TRY!

And stay away from paintball, it more or less leads to people that ruin your life.
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