I have three small children. I deal with imaginations and make-believe everyday. 

"Daddy," my daughter says. "Can I have a piggy-back ride....backwards?" It's my job to figure out what that means, of course, and hopefully I'm convincing enough. My kids seem appeased.

It's funny cause it's true.

One of their favorite games is pretending to be someone else, so I'm taking that idea and applying it to video games. And all I did was ask myself this simple question:

If I could be any video game character, who would I be?

I would be...

Abe

I know! Perfect. But in case you're not convinced, keep reading for my reasons.

Abe's One Sexy Mudokon

Abe's got flowing red hair with purple stripes and he's got a pony tail. Trust me, girls can't resist these things. He's also got a sweet tattoo on his chest, and big, beautiful eyes that say, "Wait." 

He's a poet, too. He busts out rhymes every time he narrates his own story! At least in the first game.

Not only is he ripped, but he's in touch with his inner-self, and his inner power. Which brings me to...

Abe Takes The Force To A Whole New Level

Obi-Wan convinced a guard to let him pass by waving his hand. Big deal. Abe can control people directly with his mind. Not enough for you? When he's done with 'em, he blows 'em up.

Spontaneous combustion, but it's more like willful combustion or something. There isn't even a word for it yet, cause it's so hardcore. 

What's that? Obi-Wan turned into thin air when Darth Vader took a swipe at him? Not impressed. Abe can make a flock of geese fly in a perfect circle, therein creating a portal that allows Abe's fellow Mudokons to jump through the geese circle and transport to freedom.

They don't appear randomly as strange, ethereal ghosts, either. Once transported, the Mudokons kick back in their favorite chair and sip on...whatever they want, they're still alive!

Abe's A Great Leader

This almost falls into The Force category, but it's exempt because Abe doesn't make his fellow Mudokons fart involuntarily; they choose to mimic Abe's bodily functions.

Abe: "Follow me."

Mudokons: "Okay."

Abe: "Hello."

Mudokons: "Hello."

Abe: whistles

Mudokons: whistles

Abe: pfffffft

Mudokons: pfffffft

It's almost like Abe is saying "Jump" and the Mudokons are saying "How high?" and then just doing it. 

Abe Gets To Ride An Elum

Some people say "Unicorn" or "Griffon" when they think of a magical, mythical creature they want to ride.

I say "Elum". 

"What is that thing?" you say. "Why is it so awesome?" you ask. It's got sweet horns, short, stubby arms, and legs with two knees! It can go backwards and forwards at the same time. 

Plus, it's name is just mule backwards. And since mules are just the offspring of confused horses and donkeys, elums must be the offspring of freaky unicorns and griffons. 

Right? Right.

Even though I've obviously taken the best game character, you can still choose the runner-up! Just put your reasons in the comments, or even write your own article.