Well guess what guys? You're about to get my version ofPAX, and it's awesome.  Coverage of the coolest PAX East games, a couple Bitmob exclusive details on unreleased games, screaming matches with Adam Sessler, Shane Bettenhausen's crazy stories, and my own stupid adventures to top things off.

In this episode, I play through the Red Dead Redemption demo, and learn that I don't like PR people.

You can find my previous episodes here:

Chris Davidson vs. PAX East Episode 1

Chris Davidson vs.PAX East Episode 2 Shank Preview!

Chris Davidson vs. PAX East Episode 3 Puzzle Quest 2 Preview!

Chris Davidson vs. PAX East Episode 4 Bitmob Meet Up!

Chris Davidson vs. PAX East Episode 5 I Wish I Had A Press Badge at PAX East

Chapter 11: There Will be No Redemption

"Just the three of you?"

Even if it wasn't offensive, everything the PR girl said pissed me off at that point. At least she wasn't giving the demo for the game, and she directed us towards the corner where some douchebag was half smiling and half letting us know that he really didn't want to be there. It didn't take anyone with capable ears very long to figure out why this guy was in a bad mood, and soon we would share in his negativity; our demo station was right next to the speaker blasting music that could be heard from anywhere in that half of the expo hall. Fucksickles.

It was impossible to hear anything going on in this game, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume the soundtrack does not actually contain Sum 41 as Rockstar lead up to believe. Harold was the poor soul chosen to play first. I'm fairly certain this guy had it out for us from the beginning, and after giving us a brief rundown of the controls, he suggested Harold take out his lasso.

"Alright, now you can lasso that guy right there?"

"Are you sure man? Shouldn't we find an enemy or something?"

"Nah you'll be fine just do it."

"Alright..."

Harold proceeded to lasso the guy, and everyone in the town instantly pulled out their guns.

"Well now, you just lassoed their friend, so they're not very happy with you. Looks like you've got the law on you too."

"Well crap what do I do? You said it was cool to lasso that guy."

Harold proceeded to get swarmed by the townsfolk and lawmen. He lasted about 10 seconds while trying to figure out the controls, but eventually fell in a hail of gunfire. Looking slightly ashamed of himself, he passed me the controller. The demo guy just looked at Harold and said:

"You should be careful about killing innocent people, otherwise you're going to get killed by the law."

Wow, this guy's a fucking jackass," I thought to myself. He could have at least taught us the combat. I jumped onto a horse and rode it until it bucked me off. Apparently there's a stamina bar for the horse that the guy explained after I lost it. If you're on a horse and spam the sprint button, it decreases the horse meter until you can't ride it anymore. My horse ran away, and it looked like I was walking towards my next objective. Epona never would have done that to me.

No horse can compare to Epona.

A few feet away from where my calm and collective nature ran off into the sunset, a woman was shouting at me for help. She didn't have a horse, so I really couldn't give two shits about her. She can solve her own fucking problems.

"You should really go help that woman out, she looks like she's in trouble."

"Dude, seriously, just tell me where to find a fucking horse."

"I don't know, I think if you help her you'll get something good!"

".....God Dammit... Fine! I'll help her!"

Frustrated, I decided to casually walk over and find out what was wrong. She backed up a little bit towards the carriage, and I quickly discerned the future, unfortunately the son of a bitch still hadn't taught us the combat yet.

"Looks like it was a trap," the demo guy said with a huge fucking grin on his face.

Four armed men popped out of the carriage and unloaded their clips into me. There was no cover, and I didn't know how to fight back. I fell to the ground dead in about 5 seconds. "This was definitely worth waiting two hours for" I mumbled before passing off the controller to Brian.

Brian did some hunting, skinned a couple of things (but not a horse), and then decided to go to the target. The demo guy told him about a horse training minigame. Well that sounds exciting! I looked at Brian, and my eyes were begging him to ignore demo guy and to proceed with the mission. Brian listened to demo guy. He spotted a white stallion and attempted to lasso and reel it in. He failed, and the stallion ran off. Demo guy snatched the controller right from Brian and said

"I'll do it."

He then proceeded to fail three more times, and took over 5 minutes to hunt the horse down and catch it. Meanwhile we waited patiently and bored until he finished. He offered to hand the controller back to Brian, but he had long lost interest in this game. Harold took the reins yet again.

Everything went fine for about 5 minutes while Harold rode to his objective. The guy finally tought us the combat, and it's a pretty standard third person cover based shooter. Harold had a bit of trouble with the controls, but he made it through the first half of the mission just fine. We fought our way through a small town with the ultimate goal of reaching a mansion on the hill. Harold got to the mansion and a little way inside, but eventually got killed and passed off the controller.

I shot the Sheriff, but I did not skin the horse.

I proceeded to fight my way through the mansion, and it was fairly easy. I could finally see myself enjoying this game. I made it to the end and got a treasure chest, which contained a treasure map. That's not ironic right? The treasure map had some location and hints drawn on it, and apparently that's where the real treasure is, but it wasn't like we were going to get to find out. Our demo was finally over, and I couldn't be happier to leave.

I think I'll like the game when it comes out, but that was the worst demo I've ever experienced.

Extra Stuff!

I'm a comedian, writer, electrical engineer, and all around terrible person.  Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/CasualAlcoholic

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