This is a fictional story.
My friend, Tyreed Salmon, owner of the local video game store Game Player Plus (GPP), is an opinionated, biased fanboy. But it's interesting to note, I think, that he's only a fanboy based on what he feels other companies are doing wrong.
Example: When the Nintendo Wii was announced, Salmon put Nintendo down, stating "Motion controls...? I don't need exercise, my brain exercises my muscles while I sleep."
It's not that he's dedicated to one company, but rather he despises any company when he doesn't agree with them. Perhaps fanboy is the wrong term. Crapehanger is more appropriate, I think.
Hanging out at GPP can be dangerous when Salmon is working. One time, when Ninja Gaiden (for Xbox) came out, Salmon, struggling to subjugate the first boss, simply stated, "This game is cheap." A customer, whose name I fail to remember, but was at one time a prolific customer, stated under his breath, "Yeah, unlike your prices."
Old-hippie with a weapon.
Salmon heard him, as he did every "snot-nosed, rich kid" (his words, not mine) that stepped foot in his store. He calmly unplugged the controller and walked over to the name-forgotten retorter. Then, and I remember it distinctly, Salmon smirked and wrapped the controller cord around the kids gullet. Terrified, the kid tried pulling at the cord; Salmon simply pulled tighter.
Get this: When Salmon pulled tighter to try and prevent the kid from loosing the controller cord from his esophagus, the cord broke! But it didn't really break, it simply detached from the end Salmon was heaving on. This sent the kid sprawling to the floor, and Salmon, with an almost dismal look upon his face, simply walked back over to the Xbox, plugged the controller back in, and continued playing.
Had Microsoft not incorportated its "safety" feature into every controller -- that safety feature being that if you someone walked against your controller like a numskull, instead of pulling the controller out of your hand, or pulling your Xbox off of whatever it may have been resting on, the controller cord simply split apart -- GDD would no longer be selling games. And Salmon would most likely have gone to jail. Although, I do like to think that either myself, or one of the other two customers in the store would've -- upon realizing the seriousness of the situation -- sprung into action, foiling Salmon's attempt at ridding the world of another "Snot-faced, rich kid." His words, not mine.
Old-school wired controller.
But that's not even the best part!
The best part was this: Salmon, after replugging-in his controller, beat the first boss of Ninja Gaiden on his first retry! And the even better part was this: He did so without losing an ounce of his life! He was never hit in any way!
As a side note, the kid never sued. After the kid finally caught his breath and clambered up off the ground (this was moments after Salmon beat that first boss), Salmon turned to the kid and threw him a brand-new copy of Ninja Gaiden.
Crazy!
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