So, I suppose this will be a weekly post. When Andrew Hiscock is less busy, we will probably trade off duties. Look for a Kongregate Mob every Tuesday. Get into the leaderboard. Trash talk. Play the games we feature and let us know what you thought of them. Let's get the Bitmob community rallied together and having fun with Kongregate.
In this edition, I'm going to offer you an array of short, little funny experiences. Maybe the games featured previously were too time consuming for you? Well fret not, young gamer. Every game featured today will take you a mere handful of minutes. If you don't have time to check these out, then you probably wouldn't have time to even be on this site. So, you're probably fired. Sorry.
You Have to Burn the Rope
With the simple description of, "Computer games are getting so hard these days...", Kian Bashiri (aka Mazapan) walked right into the hearts of gamers worldwide and settled in. Go ahead, analyze the crap out of this game. Yes, it's probably a metaphor for something. I'm not going to talk about that here. I'm just going to tell you how funny it is, and that it is worth the minute it will take you to beat it so that you can hear the song at the end.
P.S. SPOILER ALERT! You have to burn the rope to win.
Click here to play
Don't Shit Your Pants
Well Mr. Metaphor, what's the metaphor in this game huh? Is it a metaphor for the epic struggle someone faces in this tough economy? We just want a little relief, but it's so hard to find any. Or maybe it's a scathing indictment of video games? Even when you succeed, your brain still turns to shit. Or perhaps it's just a ridiculous game about not shitting in your pants?
Can you become Shit King?
This is the Only Level
Oh! I've got it! It's a commentary on video games these days? How they just recycle the same art assets over and over again, reusing areas and enemies so that they don't have to create new ones. Or maybe it's about the US Presidency? They all might look different, but it's really the same old thing. Hmm... oh nevermind. I give up.
The elephant forgot the rest of the levels
ImmorTall
Switching from funny to somber, ImmorTall tells a pretty powerful tale. In all of a few minutes, and controls that are simply left or right, the game manages to summarize just about everything I want a video game to be. I could begin drawing parallels to Shadow of the Colossus, but I think I've talked about that game enough. Just take a few minutes to play ImmorTall and see if you agree that more big budget games should be able to tell those types of stories.
The Kongregate Mob Leaderboard
1. Spencer Gregory - eski514 - Level 28 - Point: 5165
2. Andrew Hiscock - thecoffeemug - Level 27 - Points: 4705
3. Jon Shults - sm4k - Level 27 - Points: 4559 (+25)
4. Daniel Feit - feitclub - Level 17 - Points: 2032 (+37)
5. Alex Cronk-Young - magitek85 - Level 16 - Points: 1859 (+27)
(+1) 6. Kevin Zhang-xing - kevinxing - Level 11 - Points: 1075 (+219)
(+1) 7. Mark Whitney - TellahSage - Level 11 - Points: 1060 (+205)
(-2) 8. James DeRosa - Mazrim - Level 11 - Points: 1015 (+15)
9. Aaron Rivers - TheSophist - Level 9 - Points: 808
10. Travis McReynolds - Cojirro - Level 9 - Points: 718 (+15)
11. Pete Davison - angryjedi - Level 7 - Points: 533
12. Jasmine Maleficent Rea - vitiosuslepos - Level 7 - Points: 522 (+15)
13. Zack DeRego - w0ot - Level 6 - Points: 366
(+2) 14. Joshua Henderson - SwiftTheRedFox - Level 5 - Points: 339 (+90)
(-1) 15. Jeff Grubb - NeoJobe - Level 5 - Points: 292 (+35)
(+2) 16. Lance Darnell - TheLancer - Level 5 - Points: 275 (+44)
(-2) 17. Seth Coultas - Suetekh - Level 5 - Points: 270 (+15)
(-1) 18. Derek Lavigne - eternalbeta - Level 4 - Points: 244
(+1) 19. Dan Hsu - BitmobShoe - Level 4 - Points: 206 (+40)
(-1) 20. Cameron Pershall - cambot3000 - Level 4 - Points: 190
21. Demian Linn - Dlinn - Level 4 - Points: 181 (+22)
22. Matt Giguere - Giggysan - Level 3 - Points: 120
23. Alex Martin - AlexDM - Level 2 - Points: 97
24. Chris "Cosmo" Ross - jcosmocohen - Level 2 - Points: 60
25. Nick Gates - Ververdan - Level 2 - Points: 56
(+1) 26. Ultan O'Connell - Mangoverboard - Level 2 - Points: 55 (+15)
(-1) 27. Nick Nordstrom - Nick810 - Level 2 - Points: 50
(-1) 27. Omar Ather - AdmiralAkthar - Level 2 - Points: 50
(-1) 27. Cody Winn - NintendoTheory - Level 2 - Points: 50
(+2) 28. Jonathan Sutyak - Psydswipe - Level 1 - Points: 45 (+25)
(+1) 29. Brett Bates - bbretterson - Level 1 - Points: 40 (+20)
30. Chris Reeves - djcoolc - Level 1 - Points: 35 (+15)
(-3) 31. Taro Russel - Splutterbug - Level 1 - Points: 32
(-1) 32. Brian Shirk - KoSGolbez - Level 1 - Points: 30 (+15)
(-4) 33. Jeremy Watson - HandsomeRansom - Level 1 - Points: 25
(-4) 34. Suriel Vazquez - SoNautical - Level 1 - Points: 20
34. Evan Campbell – TheRealCampbell – Level 1 – Points: 20
Not on the leader board? Post your Kongregate username in the comments to get added to the daily updates!
I've been writing game news over at Examiner. Please go check it out, subscribe, leave comments, click ads, etc. etc. That sure would be swell.
Okay, fine, you got me this time. I signed up for a Kongregate account. Is it worthwhile going back and getting achievements for all the games I've played there previously? Maybe.
ImmorTall was sad. I'd never heard of it before, either.
Username: mossy_11
What is the official etiquette on rating games to get points? Kongregate allows you to rate 50 games a day and receive a point each time. Is this considered poor form?
@Lance - I didn't even know you got points for rating until a few weeks ago and you've already figured out how many you can rate a day? Sounds like you're just going to be spamming the rate button for points, you filthy cheater!
@ Alex - When you rate a game it explains how you can rate up to fifty a day. I think you can check people's achievement history, so you can check to see I am filthy, but not a cheater! ;)
@Lance - I'm sorry, all I heard was blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah filthy, blah blah blah blah cheater.
@Alex - $#@% %$# you $#$%# #%%^$#. :)
This aggression will not stand, man.
I've been on Kongregate for a while now... it's only 50 points per game, that won't help much after a few levels. Way more effort than pay-off.
dagimp is my username.
@Mike - *pssst* I'm joking.
Adding you now.
I'm a doofus, I also should've put @ Lance.
I should add all of the Mob.
@Mike - Yeah, add the whole leaderboard. And make your default chat room Sumptuous Gentlemen's Brigade.
Call me crazy, but I think the You Have to Burn the Rope song is better than the Portal song.
@Brett - You are not crazy. I completely agree.