Women in video games are in a difficult situation. When not dying to provide the (usually male) hero with proper motivation, they exist so the player can gaze at them from behind. Still, years of playing have shown me that female characters have some universal advantages.

Here are the three reasons that almost make me wish I existed in gameland.

High heels are suitable athletic attire

High heels hurt. I feel the need to point this out because I assume that the vast majority of Bitmob’s visitors have never worn them. So, yeah, in case you were wondering: stilettos, pumps, etc. -- they hurt. But...they make me feel feminine and pretty, so I put up with the damn things anyway.

Last year, I went to a formal dance. My shoes (pictured right) just made my feet ache. Still, I didn’t take them off; I don’t have many opportunities to get dressed up, and I was enjoying it.

Then a football game broke out. My desire to participate overpowered my need to pretend that I’m over 5'3" -- the heels came off. After running around for about an hour, I went back to my table and tried to put the shoes back on. Unfortunately, my feet protested the recent abuse and swelled dramatically. I got them back on but not without pain.The next morning, my feet were raw and sported at least one two-inch-long blister.

This is not a problem for female characters. In fact, stilettos (which I won’t even try to wear) appear to be not only comfortable but the preferred attire for girls involved in street fights and other violent affairs. Turn on your favorite fighting game, and I guarantee you that every woman has at least one costume sporting unsuitable footwear. Well, unsuitable by the standards of real world women at least. Video game women are apparently better able to deal with pain.

Women in games have skin that’s tougher than steel

Several years ago during an Oblivion play session, a male hunter randomly attacked my female elf. Naturally, I killed him and took all of his clothes. Once in my possession, a shirt -- that moments before had been a practical leather chest guard -- became a leather bikini.  

Using simple deduction, I must conclude female game characters have significantly tougher skin than their male counterparts.

This would make my life better in so many ways. I spent years wearing uncomfortable slide guards playing softball, I once almost riveted my hand to a binder at work, and let’s not forget the aforementioned high-heel issue.

This also makes the scantily clad women in games immediately less skanky: If your skin were that tough, would you want to cover it up?

In video games, women are (sort of) physically equal to men

Every virtual army or military organization contains exactly one woman. Even though they only have one, she is always the best. Well, actually, we are left to assume that she is the best; because when shit gets real, she’ll fail miserably and the hero to save her. But, whatever, it still counts and means that women in games can physically compete with men.

It should be pretty obvious why I would love for this to be true in real life. The athletic perks for women would be instantaneous. And hey, it would probably be safe for me to walk home at night! Better yet, my mom wouldn’t worry so much when my friends and I go out.

Yeah, that would be great, and it would probably make all of the indignities that come with being a woman in a game worth it.