Of all the contributions the Internet has made to society, the greatest has to be the ability for people to share their arbitrary rankings of movies, music, TV shows, starship captains, dogs, undesirable sexual acts, and grandmas more quickly -- and to more people -- than ever before.

Lists are proven traffic drivers and comment generators that are relatively easy and super fun to write. Here's how it works (sorry to get technical): a list writer takes all the "stuff" available and picks out certain "things" that they like (or don't like) and then puts numbers in front of them depending on the degree to which they appreciate them. The list is a valuable tool for arranging one's thoughts, with the added bonus of providing endless hours of entertainment after people start flame wars in the comments over whether or not the author should have switched numbers seven and eight.

The Bitmob community created many fine lists in 2010, and what better tribute could I pay them than to arrange them in order of my personal preference and present them with an air of authority? So here we go! 

5) The top 5 games to play while pooping by Alex Cronk-Young

My doctor says I don't poop nearly as often as I should, so this makes Alex's list the worst of the five. But if I did poop more, I'm sure I would get tons of use out of this article, at the top of which is Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. Says Alex, "Dragon Sword is fun AND it puts you in the mood for pooping, what with all the shit going down onscreen."

4) The 10 worst games I haven't played yet by Lance Darnell

If you've ever spoken to Lance, you know that he's usually an almost frighteningly happy guy. But if you read the number-four item on this list, you'd know that that's not always the case.

I don't know what got into Lance when he wrote this thing, but he pretty much lets it all go, bashing highly anticipated future releases and a few sequels to franchises that don't even exist yet. Lance is either insane, or has recieved the gift of future-sight by a space robot of some kind. All I know is that when Army War 3: Code of Courage comes out in 2016, you couldn't fuck me to buy it.

3) The top 10 video-game boobs by Jeffrey Michael Grubb

I know what you're thinking: "Oooh! Video-game boobs. How mature." Well shut up, imaginary debate foe. You're stupid. And you don't realize what is so special about the third-best Bitmob list of 2010.

Not content merely to select 10 video game characters to ogle, Mr. Grubb got all scientific on our asses, selecting five video-game characters to gawk over and then appraising each of their breasts individually. Some wonderful scholarly debate followed in the comments about the unsung merits of Jill Valentine's "leftie," as well as some accusations that Spoink was cheating, because it's a pig or something, and they have like ten boobs each.

2) The 5 best poems about video games by Chris Cosmo Ross

As a list maker, I am obligated to talk at some point about how difficult one of my choices was, and this is that point. It's not that Cosmo's list of lovely video-game poems was bad, but it was a little weird that he'd written all of them. Still, I suppose as the author of the poems, he knows better than anyone how well they stack up next to each other, and I'm glad we can finally put that matter to rest.

1) The 7 best video-game things ever by Mark T. Whitney

You think you've seen some lists on this list? All shall love number one and despair!

I can hear you typing your comments right now. Stop. Do you see that title? Best. Ever. He solved it. Mark's clever wordsmanship has made all of your arguments immediately invalid. Mark's article is therefore the only list you will ever need, and you can ignore all others, including this one. Also? Mark wins top honors because he went rogue and ditched the whole "multiple of five" rule that has kept Internet list production stagnant for far too long.

Seriously, people. Seven. How often do you see that? Other than on Cracked, I mean.

 The preceding was a work of satire. All names are used fictitiously and with permission.