Editor's Note: We all like to poke a little fun at our peers' reviews, so this was a great read for us. I'm just glad Andrew didn't look up any of my previous writings.... -Shoe

I was a GFW Radio fan, and I suspect that many readers were as well. Aside from dick and fart jokes and tangential stories from childhood, the members of the show had particularly insightful comments about the videogame industry and the press that covers it.

One conversation has stuck with me, insofar that I read game reviews differently from that point forward (when I bother to read them at all). Former Games for Windows Magazine editors Shawn Elliott and Sean Molloy made mention of the boilerplate method of constructing a game review, in which there is a particular prose construct ready for the insertion of the (often inconvenient) aspects of a chosen game.

To quote Sean, games reviews follow this formula: "This but this, this but this, this but this, this but this, conclusion." The "This But This" variable comes in two flavors: a positive comment followed by a negative comment to show critical strength, and a negative comment followed by positive comment as apology to developer, publisher, or audience (take your pick). Using this theory, I decided to investigate.

I asked the Bitmob community to throw out some random games and random online outlets. I received a variety of game reviews that I will put against the "This But This" theory. Of course, a "This But This" statement is necessary in just about any type of writing, so to explore abuse of the convention, I have a somewhat informal scoring system (which I believe is the third scoring system I've invented for Bitmob).

If a comment is made followed by an opposite comment, but the comments are given space, it will be given a score of

1.

If

a comment is made followed by an opposite comment, but the comments are in consecutive sentences, it will be given a score of

2.

If

a comment is made followed by an opposite comment in the same sentence, it will be given a score of

3.

If

a comment is made followed by an opposite comment but dealing with completely separate aspects of the game, it will be given a score of 5.

The scores are designed as such, because the types of comments they represent increasingly fulfill the ultimate craziness as described by Shawn and Sean -- and the type of attitude that goes into creating them (either projecting hard criticism or apologizing for statements).

I will offer brief commentary on each of the reviews as supplied by the Bitmob community, but you can take what I discovered as you will. Keep in mind that this is not to discredit, abuse, insult, or otherwise cast aspersions on the authors of the reviews or the outlets that carry them. (At least as far as the use of the convention...I may take a moment or two for some light fun). Take this as an investigation into something that veteran writers have witnessed in their own industry and something that you can use when you read game reviews.

Battlefield 2142 - 1UP
Selected by Duncan Hamilton

Positive-Negative Score: 2
Negative-Positive Score: 3
Total: 5

Quote of Note: "Optic spoofs, personal UAVs, and 40 other perks favor pros over noobs; still, the lure of "one more rank, one more unlock" makes play irresistible even while play itself isn't so standout..."

Fittingly, the first review is by one of the theorists, Shawn Elliott. He had three "This But This" statements, two of which were inoffensive transitions from paragraph to paragraph, and the third was part of the conclusion.

Goemon's Great Adventure - GamePro
Kind of selected by Toby Davis

Positive-Negative: 16
Negative-Positive: 0
Total: 16

Quote of Note: "They do a decent job of setting up the odd world in which Goemon lives, but the on-screen action happens at a distance, making Goemon and the other characters seem tiny and minimally animated."

This wasn't actually selected by Toby Davis; instead he picked Mystical Ninja, but since GamePro doesn't have an online version of the review, I simply went for the sequel, which is plenty random enough for the purposes of this informal investigation. I saw five "This But This" statements, all in the positive/negative type. The worst offender is quoted above, first complimenting the art design, then criticizing the camera.

Ninjatown - GameSpot
Selected by Toby Davis

Positive-Negative Score: 10
Negative-Positive Score: 6
Total: 16

Quote of Note: "There are points in the game where you may laugh because you realize that you're watching ninja wear ties, and the ridiculousness of it all smacks you in the face. The music, on the other hand, is there mostly out of necessity and isn't particularly memorable."

Five "This But This" statements were found, three were Positive/Negative, two were Negative/Positive. And I apologize for anyone who likes this game, but it sounds fucking ridiculous. Casting aspersions aside.

Overlord 2 - 1UP
Selected by Youcef Lardjane

Positive-Negative Score: 3
Negative-Positive Score: 3
Total: 6

Quote of Note: "It makes some difference whether you want to, say, specialize in either giving your minions a combat boost or unleashing a damaging shockwave, but spells are so seldom used in comparison to everything else, that they don't amount to much in overall strategy."

Scott Sharkey only had two comments that fit the bill, but Sharkey doesn't write like normal reviewers because he isn't like normal people. Also, this was a glowing review with less room for flip flops. Given the subject matter of the game and knowing what I do of Sharkey, I am not surprised.

Need For Speed: Underground 2 - PSXExtreme
Selected by Aaron Thomas

Positive-Negative Score: 18
Negative-Positive Score: 10
Total: 28

Quote of Note: "The lighting effects are what really make Need for Speed: Underground stand out, but at the same time, the same thing that makes it suffer."

I found eleven examples, six positive-negative, five negative-positive. As for the review, I will say it is a treat to read, and since it was referenced twice, I can only assume that a rice-mobile is in the game.

Woody Woodpecker - Nintendojo
Selected by Aaron Thomas

Positive-Negative Score: 6
Negative-Positive Score: 6
Total: 12

Quote of Note: "Some of the graphics in levels are interesting at first but there's so much repetition of the art in levels that it becomes boring."

It was hard to figure out what this review was trying to say. I settled on four relevant statements, two in each category.

Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare - Game Vortex
Selected by Aaron Thomas

Positive-Negative Score: 28
Negative-Positive Score: 14
Total: 42

Quote of Note: "Carnby really is a guy who gets down to the bottom of supernatural mysteries, and there's no pseudo-science explanation for what is happening on Shadow Island that leaves you groaning. You may groan over the controls, but that's a different story."

This review had 14 instances of "This But This," with nine as positive-negative and five as negative-positive.

Robotech Invasion - Fragland
Selected By Aaron Thomas

Positive-Negative Score: 8
Negative-Positive Score: 13
Total: 21

Quote of Note: "The sound effects are qualitatively ok but the explosions, weapon sounds and voice-acting never exceed the gray matter of mediocracy [sic]."

A total of seven instances: two positive-negative, five negative-positive. Only one more game review chosen by Aaron Thomas to slog through....

Glimmerati - Modojo
Selected by Aaron Thomas

Positive-Negative Score: 12
Negative-Positive Score: 12
Total: 24

Quote of Note: "Glimmerati's gameplay is cool but it's far from exceptional..."

Eight instances of "This But This," four in each category. If you've been clicking through, you will now realize Aaron Thomas has the gift of finding game reviews of a certain quality. That particular quality is not part of this discussion, and I encourage Aaron to deal with the issue in a future Bitmob article, someway, somehow.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption - IGN
Selected By Jason Wilson

Positive-Negative Score: 27
Negative-Positive Score: 8
Total: 35

Quote of Note: "Yet, even with all of these improvements, it still feels and looks very familiar to its predecessors, which is both a statement of praise and criticism."

Fuck you Jason, for making me go through a four-page review. Go copy edit the face off Casamassina. For the record, there were 14 "This But This" statements, 11 were positive-negative, three were negative-positive.

Etrian Odyssey - GameSpot
Selected by Jason Wilson

Positive-Negative Score: 2
Negative-Positive Score: 31
Total: 33

Quote of Note: "And even if most of the females are scantily clad, well-endowed children, the various character portraits have personality and are emotive, and each class has several to choose from".

A full 12 "This But This" statements, only one was positive-negative, 11 were negative-positive.

Age of Conan - GameTrailers
Selected by Jason Wilson

Positive-Negative Score: 12
Negative-Positive Score: 23
Total: 35

Quote of Note: "Character Classes in Age of Conan retain the usual roles in group and solo play, be it tanking mobs in PvE, disabling players in PvP, or healing in both, but players shouldn't feel shoehorned into particular roles."

This video review had 12 "This But This Statements" (that's one every 43 seconds), four were positive-negative, eight were negative-positive. I should point out that this review made strides toward a new category: the positive-negative-positive statement, where the narrator would compliment, add proviso, and restate the latter as, presumably, counterpoint.

Killzone 2 - Giant Bomb
Selected by Jason Wilson

Positive-Negative Score: 3
Negative-Positive Score: 9
Total: 12

Quote of Note: "While the events that transpire during Killzone 2 don't feel particularly impactful, the minute-to-minute gameplay helps make the campaign worth seeing."

Only four instances of the "This But This" statement, one was positive-negative, three were negative-positive.

Magic: The Gathering - Duels of the Planeswalkers - GameSpy
Selected by Jazz English

Positive-Negative Score: 0
Negative-Positive Score: 5
Total: 5

Quote of Note: "I understand that this is all meant to simplify the game for newer players, and to provide a more even playing field, but without the ability to build decks, a key part of the Magic experience is lost."

Even though I found only two "This But This" statements, both negative-positive, they were kind of on the lower scale, if the previous reviews are any indication of the average abuse of the turn-of-phrase. Could it be coincidence that a member of GFW Radio, who was present during the conversation that lead to this article, Ryan Scott, is now the Executive Editor for GameSpy?

Conclusion

The Bitmob community did a great job of handing over a wide variety of games from  all sorts of consoles, handhelds, and generations. They also did a great job of supplying major and small outlets. Thank you very much.

Otherwise, the concept is out there, nearly omnipresent, and well... I'm not sure how relevant it is. Personally, I'd like to see less qualifiers on statements. Reviewers should find an idea and roll with it. Was it fun? Yes? No? Why?

Of course, the audience should change. I, for one, don't care how Etrian Odyssey's variety of mechanics compare to other games. But I'm sure there are plenty who do. And shame for wanting it. No games exist in a bubble, but they certainly don't belong in spreadsheets.

Also, after reading 14 reviews in full, I recommend 200-word reviews. It worked for EGM.

Oh wait.